Whenever I see an article about divorce, or watch a news or current affair report about life of divorcees it always seems to focus on the woman’s plight and not any problems of men. Divorce & depression are partners for men after a marriage fails and recent reports have suggested that men take divorce a lot harder than women for a number of reasons.
These reasons are usually linked with women’s ability to develop social networks that allow them to get the support, advice and help they need while men often do not have these things and try to be stoic in the face of a massively changed life with emotional turmoil building inside them. Marriage problems and the divorce often lead to one prominent emotional issue which is depression.
While there are enormous numbers of books written on depression you can find some good practical advice you can use straight away include:
- Breaking down your problems into smaller pieces - Sometimes the divorce and problems after the event all pile up and can become unbearable making it depressing and overwhelming. Since there is no way back and no way out though you must start sorting your issues into smaller manageable chunks and just work at one at a time or the task may seem to be too much.
- Do not focus on the negatives - This is probably the hardest thing to do when you are depressed and it is impossible to stop thinking about negative things. However to lessen the problems you must find good things and focus on them even if they seem too small to make a difference against the negatives. The trick is though it is like breaking your problems into smaller chunks … after a while you have collected enough good positive feelings, thoughts and emotions that they can start to make an impact … never let go of the good things and actions you take!
- Have a goal – Men are very good at setting goals to achieve and we are biologically built to solve problems. Sometimes we do this in the most inappropriate way mind you but if we have the right tools we can build anything! With this in mind even if depression does strike you having something to do is important, it could be a life goal, an emotional goal or even a physical goal it does not matter. Achieving something makes men feel good at helps again depression and negative thinking.
For more advice by a man who has been through a messy divorce, depression and a whole host of other problems and has built a roadmap to recovery for men after divorce click below to find out more.
#1 by James Goksina on February 21, 2009 - 10:07 pm
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Great blog! Loved the article. Thanks
#2 by Male Depression on March 1, 2009 - 5:41 pm
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Finally, after reading several posts about male depression your one clarified some things i was confused about them.
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#4 by Free Dating on March 12, 2009 - 12:25 am
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Hi! Nice article. You should add a “donate” button – you should get money for this;)
#5 by Troll on March 13, 2009 - 7:27 am
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I agree with the author, I never recovered from my divorce.
After my wife left 7 years ago I withdrew into a deep depression. I gave up my business and IT career(network engineer), lost my home and everything I had worked for. I never dated again and hardly go out at all. I stopped visiting my friends and family. Sometimes I even stop eating and sleeping(I have gone as long as 9 days without any food at all). I deliberately take jobs that I hate and work very long hours.
I took antidepressants for a while and yes they helped, but after a while I decided that It just wasn’t worth it anymore. I really have no reason to live as I had built my life around being a husband and hopefully a father.
I’m catholic by upbringing so I can’t re-marry or even kill myself, I just have to wait until my life is over. I’m 38 now so I have a long wait. Maybe I’ll get lucky and die of natural causes soon.