How to Save a Sexless Marriage & Bring Back the Passion

My friend Paul seemed like a happy guy with a good marriage so when he confided in me that he made love to his wife less than once a month I was quite shocked! In fact the figures show that nearly 25% of married people make love less than once a month and that goes across all ages not just the elderly. This article is not about how this comes about or about my friend but instead is about how to save a sexless marriage if you, like Paul, find yourself trapped inside one!

  • 1. Uncover the negative ways that you approach and talk about your marriage and stop them! Such phrases like “I feel like you are my best friend, that makes it awkward to make love” or “I feel like we are just roommates” should be eliminated from your vocabulary and that of your partner. Spouses are not just friends or just roommates but are together as partners for life and are expected to be the only sexual partner too. Even if it does not change things immediately start thinking of your spouse as a lover and announce you are in love not just comfortable with them to break the negative cycle.

  • 2. If physical intimacy has been very low you must start turning this around. This does not mean you should try to make out all the time but you can start with little things like running your hand over your spouses shoulder in the kitchen or a small kiss on the cheek after or during the time your spouse helps out around the house with you. Small ways to start touching and feeling each other bodies again go a long way in the long run.

  • 3. Do not dwell on the past – The term ‘analysis paralysis’ has been coined for that state where you never act because you are too busy analyzing what went wrong. Instead focus on the positive bits, the part of your marriage you got right and you know it. Sex is something in a marriage that is right also so make sure you spend some time on it, plan it if you have to because sex does not need to be spontaneous to be exciting and good just as planning to go out somewhere does not diminish the excitement either. Find time to set a date and look forward to this time together.

  • 4. If you have some issues with your body image or your partner does and the thought of being naked together seems just too hard to bear then do not be afraid to leave some clothing on. Keep a shirt and shorts on and become intimate this way to get comfortable, you do not even need to engage in sex if it still feels to early for either of you but the more you get used to being intimate in your sexless marriage the further you get towards wanting more stimulation and of course intercourse!
  • 5. This is most important in a sexless marriage and can sink the entire thing if not done right. Do not blame yourself! Do not blame your partner either! We live busy lives full of stress and expectations and when kids come along the entire ball game seems to change as well making our lives that much more complex and in the end our duties seem more important than our sex lives even if this is not the case. A sexless marriage can never be fixed if you have self blame or resentment for your partner so always approach it with a positive attitude that will prove to be contagious.

    If you want to know much more on bringing back passion to your marriage click below to download guides dedicated to solutions to sexless marriages with the backing of professional experts in the field.

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How to Save a Dead Marriage – The Sex Issue

How to save a dead marriage can be a difficult thing and while not always the most important thing, the issue of sex makes a major impact on your marital health as many studies have concluded even bad marriages often stave off divorce if the sex is good. Good sex can also lead to better communication and feelings of love not just through the act of lovemaking but even on a biological and chemical level so this is not something to be seen as crude or simplistic.

Many people may feel that because of all the other problems in a marriage that sex is something to be put off and resentment and lack of commonality can lead to unsatisfying or lack of sexual pleasure. Then again other may be in a marriage that is happy and healthy otherwise but dead in the bedroom which may make you and your spouse more like roommates and friends even if there are children involved.

Whatever your case, if you are looking to revive a dead marriage then sexuality must not be ignored and relegated to a secondary issue. Entire books have been written on the subject of how to save a dead marriage through better sex but here I will list a simple version:

  • Do not be selfish - If you are harboring some resentment for your spouse and think that cutting off sex will help then you are actually speeding things closer to divorce. Sex is for mutual benefit for both partners and may open up avenues of communication that might help other problems. Using sex as a weapon in a marriage is a way to destroy it
  • Understand your spouse - If your spouse is the one who seems to be uninterested in sex then you may need to find out what is really bothering them. The reasons are usually emotional and not physical so trying to understand their point of view is essential.
  • Appearance - While you might think this is shallow your appearance is an important part of a good marriage and good sex. Try to find some way to exercise that both of you can do at the same time if weight is a problem so you are both involved and make sure that when you are in the mood for love that you take care of things like shaving, washing, and general grooming because familiarity and casualness kills romance.
  • Be romantic - This is often overlooked and often because many who have tried to spice things up with a married ‘date’ often forget what the real purpose of it is. Many people try this tactic in a selfish way thinking if I do this then I will get that .. do not approach it with this attitude! Remember when you first met, what made you fall in love, return to that feeling and make it all about your partner and do not expect a return to the way things were immediately, but if you do it without want of return you will find reciprocation happening very quickly.

There is a lot more to saving a dead marriage than just these things so if you want to find our more on how to stop your divorce and fix your marriage click below to find out more from experts in the field with years of experience.

http://www.loveiscomplicated.info/

How to Save a Dead Marriage – Dealing With Resentment

Many marriages do not survive the initial phase of marital bliss and whether it be a year or two later or ten years later you may find your self in a marriage dead and lifeless and on the brink of divorce. How to save a dead marriage is not impossible however, but it may seem that way after you have tried to coax some life out of it and failed. With the right approach, the right attitude and some knowledge of psychology and communication you can turn things around and return the spark of passion, love and commitment to your marriage if you can deal with the resentment issues that plague it.

Resentment

Often marriages struggle and falter over time as resentment over various issues sets in. In a marriage that seems dead it might not show in arguments and heated debate but instead in cold silence and petty grudges, in fact if there were more arguments then at least there would be some communication! This resentment in yourself or your partner may be caused by money issues, affairs, ambition, drug use or many other things that have happened and have not been resolved and no healthy loving marriage can continue without the specter of divorce if you resent your spouse or they resent you.

How to resolve these problems in your dead marriage are obviously the answer but how do you deal with such marital problems? Whole books have been written on this subject so for this article I will provide you with the simple version:

  • Communicate – Talk about the issues calmly and do not make it an argument, just get all the facts down and be aware of all the issues so they are in the open no matter how hard it might be.
  • Compromise - Nearly all resolutions require both sides to compromise on some issues. Make sure you have a plan on resolution that requires both of you to do something even if it is a very one sided problem.
  • Action – Do not just talk about it, take some action immediately! How to save a dead marriage hinges on you solving these problems not just making plan and saying things will change. You must move on this and fast!

If you want to know more on how to save your marriage even if it feels like you are the only one who wants to click below to find out exactly how you can do this to revive your relationship and stop a divorce.

http://www.loveiscomplicated.info/divorce

Tips to Save a Marriage – Actions Speak Louder than Words

Of all the tips to save a marriage perhaps the most important is what you actually DO that will bring stability and love back into your marriage and rescue it from the clutches of a messy divorce. In this regard the old saying “Actions speak louder than words” is very true.

This is usually because if you are at the stage where divorce was imminent or at least a distinct possibility then by this stage talk is considered cheap. Here is a list you may have heard that does not work at this stage:

“I will change I swear I will!”
“I will sort that thing out, I give you my word.”
“That does not matter because …”

You may see that this all relies on your spouse’s assessment of your character which in times of troubled marriages may seem quite low especially if you have said any of these things before and it has not sorted the problems you both have in your marriage.

Not that you cannot say you will do these things but do not expect anything to change until you DO, do them, but here is how you must go about it. Do not make a big issue of whatever you are doing! If you hop up and down and make a big song and dance about one thing you promised to change it will seem fake, it may be seen as insulting even and to a dissatisfied spouse it may seem like you have just done this once to get on their good side and may see it as manipulative.

The best way once you find out what you need to do to win them back is to take action where action is needed, make sure they know about it of course and most of the time just doing what you said will be noticed but do not even mention it except in passing because if you really want to save your marriage then your ultimate goal and ultimate reward is to stop a divorce. You should not need a reward every time you take an important action, only look for the end game and you will be rewarded with a better marriage in the end a better understanding on how to be a good husband or wife because actions speak louder than words and adding words to actions just sullies them.

If these tips to save a marriage may prove useful in your efforts to stop a divorce from coming about click below to find complete guides written by marriage experts that can give you the step by step processes you need to bring about a happy marriage from impending break-up.

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Tips to Save a Marriage – Dealing With Problems

Many tips to save a marriage will focus on the communication aspect of mending problems and issues and being able to move on from hurt which is a vital part of the process. However once you have mastered the art of not getting into a fight and being able to talk about things then the real hard work starts sometimes because you are going to find out some problems that need to be dealt with … but how?

Firstly a problem or an issue in a relationship once discovered might be a lot more than it appears. Couples divorce over money, children, career, abuse and a whole host of other things but behind some of these problems may lie deeper issues that need to be brought out. This can be difficult if your spouse does not want to admit something or perhaps does not really know themselves!

A good way to approach this is by writing things down. If you have come to a point where you can sit and discuss the problems in your marriage then not only talking about it but writing things down actually helps solidify what you mean and can reveal more to your partner. It also means your words in your mind that can be twisted by emotion and circumstance can be written where it cannot be retracted or changed as easily which is good for both of you.

This can be a starting point to taking action on issues because nothing changes if you just talk. To be fair you should write down one problem each one for one or there is the temptation to write down too many issues and it can cause resentment, but if you have a manageable list you can use that to find actionable things you can do to solve an issue that can also be written down as a sort of contract.

Now these tips to save a marriage might seem like common sense or maybe even way too difficult depending on your situation but my philosophy is:

  • Talk uncovers issues and starts communication.
  • Talk does not solve problems.
  • Action on problems solves them.
  • Action can only be determined once a solid agreement of a problem and its solution have been found

If these tips to save a marriage may prove useful in your efforts to stop a divorce from coming about click below to find complete guides written by marriage experts that can give you the step by step processes you need to bring about a happy marriage from impending break-up.

http://www.loveiscomplicated.info/divorce

Tips to Save a Marriage – Avoiding Emotional Blackmail

Tips to save a marriage can be useful guide to help you engage and talk with your spouse to work out the problems threatening your marriage and leading it down the path towards divorce. Some may think that many of these tips in articles are common sense and this is true but often not adhered to. The real threat however is not knowing what top do but in knowing what NOT to do especially when you do not know you are doing it!

Emotional blackmail can be explicit or implicit meaning you can be letting it be known quite directly or you can simply imply it through less obvious methods. It can also be conscious or unconscious meaning you can know you are doing it or often you do not realize you are doing it too!

An example of an explicit conscious emotional blackmail is standing with the children and saying “if you walk out that door you are destroying their lives!” or something similar (please do not do this! Kids are not pawns in your game!)

An example of unconscious and implicit emotional blackmail can be as simple as saying “but I love you!”. If you think about it this is a raw spot when emotions are fragile and they may feel you are trying to force them to drop everything for the sake of love rather that work out a real solution even if you do not realize it and are very sincere in what you say.

Blackmail is an ugly word and causes uglier ramifications and at the simplest level you should not be overt or sneaky and go about trying to manipulate your spouse by any means because this does not solve anything, at best it can simply DELAY it because nothing has been solved and the problems will come back and the road to divorce will start again with a fragile marriage.

On a more complex level you must always be aware of what you are saying and what it might actually mean to your partner. If you want to save your marriage and stop your divorce you must be aware that simple things you say or do might not have the intended effect so if something you are about to say seems even slightly manipulative then stop. Think. Then rephrase it.

For more tips to save a marriage from complete guides written by relationship and marriage experts, click below to get the information you need to repair your failing marriage and avoid a divorce.

http://www.loveiscomplicated.info/divorce

Tips to Save a Marriage – Emotional Understanding

Emotional understanding may seem obvious when dealing with matters of the heart such as marital problems and possible impending divorce but just how much do you truly know about your spouse, what they feel and even what YOU really feel? These tips to save a marriage will go over some key points you need to address and understand before any real headway can be made to stop a divorce and return to a blissful marriage.

Did you know humans have three brains? It is true!

  • We have an old brain or ‘lizard brain’ as it is often referred to which deals with the most basic of instincts such as safety, survival, and propagation of the species along with all the automatic functions.
  • We have the mid brain which is the emotional center of our being that deal with all impulses to do with emotions, feelings and human interactions.
  • Lastly we have the new brain which is in control of our logic, understanding, artistic expression, language processing. Your new brain is reading this right now!

Why is this important though? Because we are not as in control of our thinking and actions as we think we are! Our mid brain where we process the emotions of a situation is a lot stronger and has more influence over the logical part of our brain even when we think we are behaving completely rationally.

The mid brain is also a lot more active when we are speaking with other people as our emotions are a major part of how we interact as people and a society and in a marriage which is why you can sometimes be thinking clearly then when we come face to face and an arguments starts the old brain activates the fight or flight reaction, the mid brain which has received a flood of hormones spikes what it is feeling such as fear or anger or guilt and the new brain trying to be logical is overcome by emotions, brain chemistry and a whole host of other things.

That is when we say those things we do not really mean.

The human mind is an amazing thing though and we can control it and understand it so a few tips to save a marriage in regards to emotional understanding are:

  • If you feel overwhelmed by emotion wait it out, do not try to form an argument it is better to leave or wait for the hormones to subside so you can think without as much mid and old brain interaction.
  • Understand that when your spouse blows up or breaks down something has triggered those things that is quite powerful. Let them get it out of their system then try to engage them.
  • Understand that the new brain does not control the emotional reaction so what you have said may not be directly related to the emotional outbursts … it may be something deeper the mid brain has picked up. Think in terms of basic emotions though anger and hurt is often the most prevalent (with guilt following closely)

so by understanding how your brain works in regards to emotion you can approach communication and actions with tips to save a marriage knowing how not to sabotage your efforts on the human emotional rollercoaster that happens when a couple faces divorce.

Click below for complete guides on how you can save your marriage even if you are the only one who thinks it possible.

http://www.loveiscomplicated.info/divorce

Tips to Save a Marriage – Avoiding the Blame Game

The blame game is something we have all probably played at one stage of another with our loved ones. The tendency to combat accusations of blame by finding something you can throw back at them to even the score. These tips to save a marriage article will focus on blame and retaliation, what is behind it and how you can avoid it to save your marriage and stop a divorce.

Blame has two angles: To bring up problems in a relationship and to hurt the other person.

Now one of these things has a legitimate place in communication when a marriage is in trouble and heading for divorce and the other one just speeds it along and accomplishes nothing and breaks down the communication channel into arguments, shouting matches and the never ending blame game that mires you in revenge and anger that is hard to crawl out of. I think you see which one I am referring to …

As has been mentioned why people do this is because there ARE problems in a relationship that need to be addressed, you cannot close your eyes and mind to he fact that you may have made mistakes when someone calls you out on it but you can direct where you go from there wisely. This is made difficult of course when the tone and intent of this accusation is barbed and poisonous and meant to hurt but you must make a decision at this point. Do you want to save your marriage? Or do you want to spiral down the road to divorce?

If you want to work through the problems and not be divorced then there is a simple formula you can follow when the blame game gets started that will calm the situation down, allow grievances to be brought up and allow you in the end not to feel like you have ‘lost’ your honor or self respect.

1. Accept the blame
Now this may make you angry, this may make your blood boil when you are accused of something perhaps that was not your fault or that was very minor and is being blown into huge proportions. The problem is refuting that claim simply brings the anger level up and the ability to discuss things rationally so the first thing you HAVE to do is diffuse the situation. Simply accept the criticism even if you do not believe it, nod and listen and endure because if you love this person and want to salvage a marriage you need to hear them out in full so swallow your pride and know this is not the end but endure it for the sake of your marriage.

2. Listen to the problem behind the complaint
Blame and accusations do not come from nowhere and even if they are overplayed or even just plain wrong your job should not be to throw that back at them but listen to the real message behind it. You must try to empathize with your spouse and try to see things from their point of view even if you do not agree. This is because a complaint about spending too much money might not be actually about the money spent but might be about making decisions together maybe. Or an argument about perceived flirting with other people might more be about their insecurity and their feelings that they are fading in your interests even if they do trust you. It can be complex and people often do not say what they really mean when they are aiming to hurt so your listening skills and empathy skills must be turned up to the max.

3. DO not retaliate!
By this stage you may have a better understanding of the issues and if you can keep control of your own tongue you may almost get to a breakthrough. Do not use any insight and knowledge to launch another attack back at them because that destroys everything you have just learned. Hold you tongue, even agree with them if there is ‘some’ truth to the accusation but do not act defeated or cowed because you need to now be the strong one and propose a solution not cave in or retaliate.

4. Question!
This may seem like the last thing you want to do but delving further into their complaint can reveal more hidden anxieties, fears and problems that they may not know they even have. Talk to them and ask ‘why’ about certain things calmly and rationally and keep the peace because you may have just opened up a great line of communication if you can be the bigger person and do not enter the blame game.

5. Use this communication line to broach other topics
If you have managed to get somewhere by now the retaliations that were on your lips but never said can come out in a constructive way by raising them as a problem without any barbed attacks attached because by this stage if you have gone through their problems in detail a feeling of reciprocation will often exist that will allow you to put forward your own point of view.

By following these tips to save a marriage you can avoid the blame game and approach the task of mending a relationship with a better understanding of each others point of view and a way to communication properly. For more help on how you can stop an impending divorce even if you are the only one that seems to want it click below for complete guides to save your marriage.

http://www.loveiscomplicated.info/divorce/stop-your-divorce-e-book-reviews/