Emotional understanding may seem obvious when dealing with matters of the heart such as marital problems and possible impending divorce but just how much do you truly know about your spouse, what they feel and even what YOU really feel? These tips to save a marriage will go over some key points you need to address and understand before any real headway can be made to stop a divorce and return to a blissful marriage.
Did you know humans have three brains? It is true!
- We have an old brain or ‘lizard brain’ as it is often referred to which deals with the most basic of instincts such as safety, survival, and propagation of the species along with all the automatic functions.
- We have the mid brain which is the emotional center of our being that deal with all impulses to do with emotions, feelings and human interactions.
- Lastly we have the new brain which is in control of our logic, understanding, artistic expression, language processing. Your new brain is reading this right now!
Why is this important though? Because we are not as in control of our thinking and actions as we think we are! Our mid brain where we process the emotions of a situation is a lot stronger and has more influence over the logical part of our brain even when we think we are behaving completely rationally.
The mid brain is also a lot more active when we are speaking with other people as our emotions are a major part of how we interact as people and a society and in a marriage which is why you can sometimes be thinking clearly then when we come face to face and an arguments starts the old brain activates the fight or flight reaction, the mid brain which has received a flood of hormones spikes what it is feeling such as fear or anger or guilt and the new brain trying to be logical is overcome by emotions, brain chemistry and a whole host of other things.
That is when we say those things we do not really mean.
The human mind is an amazing thing though and we can control it and understand it so a few tips to save a marriage in regards to emotional understanding are:
- If you feel overwhelmed by emotion wait it out, do not try to form an argument it is better to leave or wait for the hormones to subside so you can think without as much mid and old brain interaction.
- Understand that when your spouse blows up or breaks down something has triggered those things that is quite powerful. Let them get it out of their system then try to engage them.
- Understand that the new brain does not control the emotional reaction so what you have said may not be directly related to the emotional outbursts … it may be something deeper the mid brain has picked up. Think in terms of basic emotions though anger and hurt is often the most prevalent (with guilt following closely)
so by understanding how your brain works in regards to emotion you can approach communication and actions with tips to save a marriage knowing how not to sabotage your efforts on the human emotional rollercoaster that happens when a couple faces divorce.
Click below for complete guides on how you can save your marriage even if you are the only one who thinks it possible.