How to Stay Happy in Marriage

Marriage can be a joyful thing full of wondrous moments and intimacy but it can also be frustrating and even depressing. The funny thing is most couples experience both of these feelings at various points in their marriage and often swing back and forth between joy and hardship making it unpredictable which can also add its own stress! How to stay happy in marriage seems like something that cannot be constant and is only for Hollywood and dreams. This is an unfortunate way of thinking however.

This is because many people tie their entire view of happiness in a marriage to the spots of extreme joy when they know they are in love and everything seems perfect and the times where there are arguments and fights as times of extreme unhappiness. Now obviously when you fight with your spouse of are upset with them and their actions we feel unhappy and the obvious solution seems to be to eliminate those fights and confrontations. This is correct; however it is a simplistic view of how to stay happy in a marriage for a few reasons:

  • Avoiding confrontations often means completely giving in to your partners wishes which is unhealthy to a relationship as it is a form of lying if you do not really agree. This leads to a lack of respect in a relationship and very often low self esteem and bottled up rage and frustration.
  • The other end of the spectrum is to always be right by forcing your spouse to always be subservient. This I think does not need explanation to be seen as a terrible bullying tactic which can be violent and will of course lead to extreme resentment.
  • The middle way is to be a control freak in another way and try to change your partner on the sly so that all the things that annoy your about them are eventually eliminated. While people in relationships always change somewhat forcing someone to change their way of living is an impossible task which again will build resentment and anger.

As you can see none of these have any great appeal and perhaps you see some of yourself in these methods which is quite normal as nearly all marriages have some elements of the above points in them.

So how do you stop the arguments? How do you end the friction? How do you also keep the excitement and love? Firstly …

Friction is inevitable!

Unless you are almost exactly the same as your partner in every way there will come disagreements. There will be friction and there will be habits of your other half that annoy you no end and it will break that perfect marriage feeling at some point.

This as you can see is not unusual and while not welcomed it should be expected and as such you should be mentally and emotionally prepared for it. One trick to remaining happy in a marriage is to always remember that the bad times will go and each time a challenge to your marital happiness emerges it is a time to not lose faith and a time to work through it so that things can get back on track again.

How to Deal with the Tough Times

Getting things back on track is of course easier said than done. Issues with money, relatives, careers, children and many more can turn ugly if you do not know how to deal with them and how to deal with your spouse to come to a resolution.

The key point here is resolution. You can delay the outcome and argue it, ignore it or circumvent it but it does not go away unless a resolution is reached. This involves good communication from both partners but if you are the one trying to keep the peace and maintain a happy relationship then you need to be even more savvy with your talking skills because high emotions can make communicating and compromise difficult to achieve.

There are many ways of doing this but the core value you must learn is how to control your temper and to be the one who broaches the difficult subjects and takes charge of the conversation by not blaming, accusing or being petty in any way.

Take Charge of Your Happiness

Another element of happiness is the fact that you are in charge of your own happiness despite problems in your life. You choose to be happy and you cannot rely on anyone to make you happy. You can also not be responsible for your spouse’s happiness, only your part in the equation.

For this you must be a full person where your marriage while the focal point of your life is not the entirety of your life. Friends, family, your own hobbies and so forth should be there for the mental health of yourself and your partner because a good relationship is one that is not so tightly knit that you cannot separate your own emotions from your partners and one not so loose that you lose your empathy either.

This if course is not everything your need to know on how to stay happy in marriage as there is so many nuances, tips and advice that you need to know to survive and thrive through the good times and bad that could fill many a book. In fact there are many great publications that can help you master the arts of happiness and communication in marriage that you can download off the web immediately and be reading within minutes. Click below for reviews of the best marriage guides you can download.

How to Stay Happy in Marriage

How to Stop Your Divorce & Fix Your Marriage

We have all heard the terrible statistics about marriage and divorce by now that half of all marriages end up badly with spouses splitting leaving behind them broken homes, broken hearts and broken dreams. How to stop your divorce is therefore a popular topic and one that may be much needed in this climate of unstable relationships. However the enormous amount of advice that can be found from professionals and from magazines and even sites like this can seem shallow, contradictory or confusing often because everyone situation is slightly different and sometimes this advice does not seem to be relevant to your marriage and how you can fix it.

Relevance is a tricky thing though because some advice that might be quite general but is still good if you can find that relevance to your problems and how to apply it properly. I hope to provide more articles to do with more specific situations in the future and have written some already though this article will deal more with general ideas that can hopefully be applied universally to help you save your marriage from becoming another statistic that we become numb to over time.

The first advice on how to stop your divorce may seem insulting but it is something that in all conscience I cannot ignore. The first step you must take is to evaluate your marriage to see if it is WORTH saving, everyone of course looking to stop their divorce believes so but some only do so out of fear of loss, fear of change and fear of being alone when their relationship is actually in such a state that it is better to let go. Now this is firmly believe is not the case in 99% of marital problems but for that small percentage that may be in abusive marriages or are married for entirely the wrong reasons this is an important thing to look at.

How do you evaluate such things though? A quick checklist of things to consider:

  • Is your relationship abusive?
  • Are you being honest with yourself over the reasons you want to stay together
  • Will this make you both happy in the long run?
  • Are you doing this out of fear rather than love?

By no means is this an exclusive list but a few things to think about before you decide to take action and salvage your marriage and put it back on the right track which can be done! If you know in your heart this marriage is worth saving then there are some general tips you can use to bring it back from the brink no matter how far down the road to divorce it is.

Take the lead & Reach out

This does not mean you should be assertive and bossy, in fact it is almost the opposite but still puts you in the position of taking the lead role in finding a way to save your marriage. By taking the lead you must be the one who steers the relationship through twists and turns of arguments and issues that will arise as you try to pinpoint and fix the problems that are causing your marriage to break apart.

To do this you need to be willing to always be the bigger person and do not succumb to the temptations to give in to your emotions of hurt and anger which, while difficult, is essential to maintaining a positive direction in your attempts to stop your divorce. Some further tips to accomplish this are:

Do not be afraid to lose!

So many people are so convinced that they are in the right when in a heated argument that their ego gets in the way of good sense. How to stop your divorce depends greatly on your ability to let go of this ego and be willing to stop keeping score. The tit for tat back and forth that becomes a macabre game in a failing relationship is an accelerator for its downfall as being right becomes more important than fixing your marriage.

What many people who have successfully stopped their divorce have realized is that if you let go of the need to win you can diffuse arguments and stop the wall of resentment and anger from stifling all other discussion. Even if you are right about something beyond all doubt and your spouse is contesting this just let it slide, say you respect their opinion on the matter and have decided not to pursue it further but do not contest it back or the walls come up and this point is in limbo.

Remember that being able to talk freely from the heart will help you save your marriage and the only way to do this is be leading the way and making it your responsibility to suffer the occasional barb without retaliation for the betterment of your marriage.

Actions speak louder than words

It is an old adage but true, words can just be wind if not followed up by proof. This does not discount the important of communication of course, it just means that no matter how good you are at communication if you do not validate what you say no trust is regained or built.

Marriages in need of fixing have problems that need to be overcome to not only solve a problem that is tearing the relationship apart but if you take action on something it has a few effects beyond the immediate:

  • Goodwill – As simple a thing as generating a small amount of goodwill even in a marriage in crisis is important because every journey of the soul needs a starting point and a small bright light of goodwill can start it.
  • Trust – As has been mentioned this improves trust where trust may have been missing. IT may not change your spouse’s entire attitude but it starts rebuilding that bridge as long as it is followed up.
  • Reciprocal action – Humans are programmed to feel a debt to someone who does something for them. If you give something to someone with every intention for it to just be a gift with no strings attached most people will feel the need to give something back. Smart businesses know this and it works in every part of human interaction. The end result, if you take the time and effort to take action on something and change your behavior or do something that needs to be done then even if your spouse feels that this is warranted it starts a feeling of a need to reciprocate. This may not be of even “value” but the desire to give back has started.

This can start a positive cycle of giving for the betterment of your marriage rather than taking or stagnating. Be warned though this may not be easy and may not have immediate effect but it will improve matters.

Self respect

One last point on these general tips is that through all of this you must maintain your integrity. Many people who read the points about “giving in” in an argument and “taking action” on the whim of your spouse have told me (sometimes quite rudely) that this makes them a doormat and they refuse to do it as they feel they will just be taken advantage of and will garner no respect from their spouse which will not solve their marital difficulties.

This is correct in many cases and an excellent point that needs to be addressed. How to stop your divorce is about creating a two way street of communication, goodwill and action on the problems that plague the marriage which requires both partners to be involved. This means that while you try to build this bridge though you may be the only one helping which is hard to cope with and may feel like you are begging which is not healthy nor is it helping.

This is where you need to always maintain your own self respect. If you save your marriage but lose yourself have you really saved a relationship or just an institution? By keeping your self respect there are three important things that tie in with the points above that need to be considered.

  • Do not beg - Begging for forgiveness, another chance and so forth does not generate goodwill or respect and lowers your own opinion of yourself. Couples are attracted to the strengths of their spouses and begging does not show strength. You can communicate your willingness to fix your marriage without going down this path and giving in to fear and anxiety. Be calm and say the same things but without a tone of desperation.
  • Do not lie - While I pro[pose that you are willing to not keep score on things there is no need to lie to diffuse an argument because this will only rear its ugly head later. You do not need to lose, nor win …. just do not play that game!
  • Do not crow – By this I mean do not expect that your efforts will be rewarded and do not boast about how great a husband or wife you have been recently. Let them know about your efforts to fix your marriage but do not shout it from the rooftops and demand compensation.

There is so much more on how to stop your divorce by fixing a failing marriage that could be discussed but the attitude in which you approach this is paramount to your success. Much of this information has been gleaned from some excellent online resources for marriages in turmoil that you can download immediately and have some amazing methods of generating immediate positive results.

If you want to know more about these guides written by professional marriage counselors and experts in the field click below.

Stop Your Divorce

Sexless Marriage Help – Causes, Communication & Solutions

While it may once have been taboo to speak about more and more men and women are looking for sexless marriage help when their marriage becomes cold and lifeless in the bedroom. In fact is has become quite a topic of hot debate with books such as ‘The Sex Diaries – Why Women go off Sex & Other Bedroom Battles’ hitting bookstore shelves which has drawn heavy criticism for being so one sided in bias of men and derogatory of women but has also managed to elicit many comments on how true it is from men and women alike.

Clearly this is a controversial and loaded issue that should not be treated lightly especially when words such as marital rape, depression, and of course divorce rear their ugly head but such charged emotions show a clear disconnect in how we see this phenomenon of sexless marriage and how you can solve it.

To take an impartial view on the causes and solutions to a sexless marriage I should clearly state that I am male but have talked to many women about such an issue as well as many guys online and in person to draw the conclusions I have. I hope to be unbiased in this issue to encourage similar responses rather than rabid tribalism from various groups who seem to comment on this issue.

Causes of a Sexless Marriage

This is probably much harder to talk about than the solutions to a sexless marriage! The reasons can be so varied and so detailed and so specific to a particular marriage as to make generalizing the issue alienating to many and insulting to others but I will try to cover as many bases as possible.

The reasons that one partner in a marriage may become disinterested in sexual activities can be physical but much more commonly is emotional or psychological if you will. Even then some physical problems such as male impotence that seem physical may have psychological problems at their root too confusing the issue more. If the reason is physical and you do not know exactly what it is then it may manifest itself as rejection of sex rather than talking about the problem. More on communication about this issue later though however the other physical problem many refer to is simply that one partner has a LOW sex drive while the other has a much HIGHER sex drive which I personally believe is only half true seeing many couples who have worked through this have suddenly found their sex drive again or have found a midway point which lead to my next point.

The emotional issues more often than not are the real bugbears in a sexless marriage though when issues within a marriage or external influences or even emotional problems within your partners mind resurface. This is where the huge variety comes in so excuse me if I list a few in point form that seem to be common:

  • Resentment over household duties
  • Resentment over past arguments
  • Resentment over past actions
  • Resentment for any deeply buried issue that has not been solved!
  • Depression
  • Severe body image issues with themselves
  • Body image issues with their partner
  • Sheer exhaustion mentally and physically (Children and work as main culprits for both men and women)
  • Sexual abuse (recent or past)
  • Boredom!

I could go on but as you can see some are of extreme concern whereas others can seem almost trivial or petty. In many of these cases however there is still a lot of love and compassion within the marriage until things drift too far for sexless marriage help to be able to solve anything.

Sexless Marriage Help & Solutions

With such a wide variety of problems in a sexless marriage many husbands and wives may despair as to what they can do. There are two schools of thought on this which may be applicable to different couples’ sexless marriage situations. One school of thought is that communication is paramount and that talking through the issues carefully to then finding mutual solutions to the problems is the answer. The other, is that communication problems may be one of the issues at work here and personal action to increase attraction by your own efforts is the way to excite your spouse more.

Both have their good and bad points and a lot depends on what the root causes of this lack of intimacy in your marriage are.

Communication in a Sexless Marriage

I am a great believer in good communication within a marriage but I must also admit that in many cases I have heard of the partner who wishes to initiate sex but has been rejected many times by their spouse often try to do this but are rebuffed angrily and are at a loss of what to do next. Others though think that this hardly deserves to be an issue as a marriage should be about regular sex and take rejection as an insult. To those men or women I have to say you NEED to start communicating not just groping and hoping then acting hurt. If you wish to broach this subject with your spouse then you need to do one thing first and this is the most important thing you will ever know in this regard.

Make your conversation about them and their wishing, feelings and problems! Never make it all about YOUR wishes and feelings though they are valid.

This is because a person who feels harassed for sex only thinks you are trying to TAKE from them for self satisfaction and when you whine or complain or make it about you the same needy vibe is cast. This can be unfair because the hurt and shame of being rejected by your spouse can leave a serious mark on your self esteem but if you want a solution putting this aside is vital.

Once you do this you can start making headway in finding out why they are so withdrawn and cold physically if you promote an atmosphere where you are not casting blame and are willing to truly listen because good communication is 90% listening not talking! Some problems can only be navigated once you know the full extent of them especially when it stems from something external or that is not directly related to your relationship.

Action in a Sexless Marriage

While you may not be GETTING much action you can take action on this issue as well. The majority of sexless marriage end up that way because of a certain loss of attraction if not always a loss of love. We are never the same people as we once were when the relationship was new and the sex was wild and exciting, we change and we grow and evolve as people and it must be said we also change physically with age and sometimes simply with comfort levels in a stable marriage. People who drift apart emotionally also drift apart physically and couples who forget what it is to BE sexy for their partners also lose the excitement that once spurred on lovemaking.

Being sexy is something that generates sexual reciprocation and what is sexy differs between men and women and also is based on personal taste. Some men feel that a bit of extra grooming and a single romantic night out may help and be right while others find this does nothing because years of neglect of these things has left it’s mark. Others try this and completely miss the point because their wife really wants support and respect more than anything and the same is true with the genders reversed.

What this means is that the wrong actions can have no effect or even worse have more negative consequences while the right actions can slowly bring passion and lust back into your sexless marriage. The best advice I can give is that if you want to change things in your relationship without psychoanalyzing every detail with your partner is to start small but on all fronts where you think they may be disgruntled. From your own appearance to the way your treat them on a daily basis and for the love of god do not BOAST about all the good things you are doing or you run the risk of sounding like that needy person who wishes to take and manipulate to get sex which becomes an instant turn off. IF you do hit upon something that elicits some form of extra intimacy no matter how small you should be looking at what that is and continue doing things like that or similar!

Each marriage is different but sexless marriage help like this can be applied to many situations and it can usually not hurt to try them at least. If you are confused as to where to go next or feel all of this has been done and failed then there are more resources on the internet that go into this is a lot more depth written by professional counselors that may help you further. Click below to find out more.

Sexless Marriage Solutions