Techniques for Controlling Premature Ejaculation

“My relationship with my girlfriend was suffering tremendously because of my premature ejaculation. We tried to make it seem like only a small thing until she told me in tears she had cheated on my because of this issue. I was devastated!”

No one wants to be in a situation like this but often couples try to gloss over sexual problems out of embarrassment or out of a feeling that a focus on sex would be an insult to all the other great parts of a relationship. In the end though sex is integral to your sexual fulfillment and overall happiness within a relationship and if you can not last long enough in bed with your woman you may need techniques for controlling premature ejaculation so that you can have the great, passionate sex you need to sustain intimacy on a physical front.

How long is not long enough though?

If you are unsure exactly how long you should be lasting for with sexual intercourse you may be nervous and confused as to whether you really are ejaculating prematurely. While if you barely last a minute you probably know you have a short fuse other men who can last longer still may feel they do not satisfy their partners which can be a source of shame too.

First you must realize there is no exact rule as to how long sex should be. There is no threshold you need to reach to give your partner satisfaction as this varied from couple to couple to greatly based on their emotional and physical differences. It is also not essential for a man to give a woman an orgasm with penetration every time for them to enjoy sex and for you to feel good about it.

This is not to say women do not crave an orgasm and that they are happy with only a quickie either. The important thing to know what your particular girl likes and if you cannot last long enough to give them that pleasure then they will be left feeling sexually unfulfilled. Sometimes they can even feel even resentful that you can reach orgasm and they can’t even though you feel just as bad and less of a man because of it.

What techniques for controlling premature ejaculation are there?

There are multiple methods to prevent premature ejaculation and while you may think this is only a physical problem there are many psychological and emotional elements that need their own techniques to overcome as well. Determining which ones are more of a problem then focusing on them first is the best way to proceed so here are some problems and techniques that you can use.

Physical

Fast Heart Rate

When we do exercise or get excited our heart rate goes up and the body starts producing all sorts of hormones and chemicals that serve various important functions including how to orgasm. The body and its orgasm however is controlled by how excited you ware which means that if you do not maintain good body control you will lose it! When you are making love however this can be hard. Your partner is exciting you, it feels great and the entire situation is heady and full of emotion and highly charged sexuality. How can you stop your heart from racing? You could try not to get too carried away with your partners body and face which communicate a lot of visual excitement, closing your eyes can help some men or concentrating on a point on the ceiling may help though it may annoy your partner that you are not paying attention too so beware! Being mindful to slow things down a bit even though your body it telling you to go faster can also back off from over stimulating yourself and raising your heat rate. One of the simplest things to do though that is proven to calm a racing heart which many athletes know is to control your breathing.
When you breathe in and out heavily your heart rate goes up so a solution to lower it is to keep your breathing steady and try to breath OUT long and take shorter breaths as you need to expel the carbon dioxide in your lungs which is signaling your brain to make you breath harder which can make you heart go up notch.

Poor PC Muscle Control

The PC muscle or PuboCoccygeus muscle is the part of your body that controls the flow of fluids from your penis. It is also essential for keeping control of your orgasm to stop from reaching orgasm too soon. Techniques for controlling premature ejaculation often focus perhaps too heavily on this muscle but it is a major part of maintaining control during sex. If you strengthen and have excellent control of this muscle you can tighten it during love making you not only stop fluid flow but it tells the brain that you are not ready to orgasm. So control of the PC muscle is vital.
To do this you need to do ‘Kegel Exercises’ which are simply exercises that involve you flexing your PC muscle in different ways. This will strengthen them and give you control over them later when you are with your woman to allow a much greater physical control than you once had.
Overly Sensitive Penis

This can be a problem for younger lovers especially who are simply not used to sexual intercourse yet. While there are drugs that ‘numb’ the penis this is not a real solution. There is not real solution to this but experience, the more you make love the more used to it you will get. IF you can control the other issues surrounding premature ejaculation then this should not be as big an issue. The only way to really control, this is to communicate with your partner about speed and what you are doing which is not a premature ejaculation control technique but it will help.

Psychological

Performance Anxiety

This can be a major problem again for younger men but if you have had many premature ejaculation experiences it can become more than a passing phase and can become ingrained. Worrying about your abilities and if you can please your partner and if you are any good and if you will come too soon can totally destroy your confidence and become a self fulfilling prophesy. Later on this can also lead to impotence if not dealt with so if it is a continuing thing this needs to be checked. Good communication with your lover can help along with a lot of foreplay to get them highly excited which gives you time to maintain control as well as boosting your confidence that with your hands, mouth and other parts of your body you can give them pleasure and make them want you.
Another mental trick many find handy is to think of yourself as confident even if you do no feel it. Think and repeat to yourself that you are a stud, a sexual passionate man with great bedroom skills. You may realize you are not, but if you act this out it is amazing how much it can make a difference, the more you believe and repeat something to yourself the more it actually becomes true. If you manage to last longer a few times doing this and you see it working you will break down those mental barriers and the anxiety will slide.

Unrealistic Expectations

While porn may make you think you know a lot about sex it actually destroys many of the realistic elements of making love and replaces them in your mind with over the top expectations about what your partner and yourself should be doing. It can make you think you need to act like a porn star and hammer away like a jackhammer so fast you lose control because that is what you think women like. Forget this! If you need a role model to base your love making on look at romantic chick flicks with some sex scenes more because that is what turns them on more. Get rid of the porn image because pornography was created for men not for women and ruins what should be an intimate moment with an expectation of something that are highly unrealistic and male-centric.

For more on how you can apply these techniques for controlling premature ejaculation click below for complete guides with diagrams, illustrations and many more hints and tips that will turn you into a powerful long lasting lover than no women would want to leave.

Premature Ejaculation solutions

How to Keep a Happy Marriage Through all Life’s Struggles

Life is rarely perfect and there are always struggles and adversity to overcome which can place a massive amount of stress on a marriage. How to keep a happy marriage despite these things can seem like a difficult task for any couple but the rewards of reducing conflict and promoting love and happiness actually makes overcoming hardship easier and will reduce difficulties in an almost karmic way.

There is no secret formula to keeping a marriage happy but there are a lot of small things you should be doing that will work no matter what sort of marriage you have be it: professional working couples, married with kids, marriage with pets, young, old and everything in-between! Some advice that will lead to better results in no time are:

Commitment to Marital Happiness

First and foremost is the idea that happiness is not something that magically lands in your lap. Happiness is not your bank account balance nor is it success, children or half a hundred other things that people often tie their entire happiness to. Happiness is a choice through adversity and good times that you must commit to nurturing so that it becomes a self fulfilling prophesy.

This does not involve grand gestures or a lot of extra time but it does require a constant awareness of what you are doing and contributing to your marriage to make your life with your spouse and children better and happier every day. No one else can do this it is up to you first and foremost and this investment in happiness will be infectious to your entire family.

Focus on the Good Rather then the Bad

One problem many people face when things get tough and sometimes when everything in life seems good is to focus on the negative. When life seems great this may be because you become obsessed with removing anything slightly bad about it and when things are down it becomes much easier to see lots of negative things.

When you overlook the annoying things such as towels left on the floor, the occasional bowl or cup left unlearned, poorly folded clothes in the draws or a hundred other bad habits instead concentrate on what you love about your spouse.

Remind yourself and focus on those things that you adore. The way they hold you when you are sad, their boisterous laugh, the way they always cook your favorite foods on the weekend, how delightfully they play with the kids or whatever warms your heart.

Show Appreciation More Often

When life gets hard or busy and we are comfortable in a marriage we tend to forgot to compliment our partners on their actions because we become accustomed to it. In fact it can often be the case that after a while you get accustomed to all the good thing your spouse does that you see them as ‘normal’ and start wanting more effort and more good things to make you feel they are special and you are happy.

This can be poisonous and a simple remedy to such things is to remember to compliment your partner often and show real appreciation for even the smallest things. If they clean something up that you usually do without asking make sure to say thank you, if they spend some extra effort to get dressed up when going out say they look great and even when they are just doing their job you workout like picking the kids up from school remember to occasionally thank them for doing this.

If you are heartfelt about this it is easy, quick and not only makes your spouse feel more appreciated and loved but it builds reciprocity and you will find that they cannot help but show you appreciation back. On the opposite end of the spectrum a relationship where compliments have faded from conversations will find that there is no reciprocity as neither husband nor wife gives anything and neither gets it in return making for an unhappy marriage and often resentment and anger and a slide to focusing on the negatives.

Show Respect to Your Spouse

As has been mentioned sometimes we tend to take our husbands or wife for granted in all that they do. ‘Familiarity breeds contempt’ as the saying goes but it does not have to if we choose to be mindful of how we act.

If you have ever caught yourself saying things to your spouse that you would never say to your friends or your work colleagues because it may insult them then you may be sliding down this dark path. It may be because you know they love you and something disrespectful will not be taken to heart or that you are so comfortable in talking to your partner that you feel cutting to the chase and showing your true feelings of annoyance at something will simply get to the core of the problem faster; this is not a good way to communicate even if it seems efficient.

Your spouse is a person like any other and showing disrespect to them hurts them and hurts your relationship. IF you have the choice to be nice or to be right and to point it out then what do you think creates happiness? Be nice, communicating problems can be done respectfully.

Do Not Nitpick

Like the idea that you should focus on the good parts of your spouse and overlook the small bad things you should also work this into how you communicate. The idea of ‘picking your battles’ can be an important part of how you approach conflict in marriage because there will always be some disagreements no matter how well matched you are.

Whenever there is an issue you feel like raising, ask yourself if this is really worth picking a fight about. Is it really important enough to be creating more conflict or should this one slide? While you feel all problems must be resolved if you are constantly nagging about this and that your partner will start to filter out what you are saying because most problems are too petty. If you do not nitpick when you do raise a concern they will pay far more attention so save your problem solving conversations to those that do matter.

Likewise if you are tolerant of the small things you will find you partner will show tolerance to any of your habits and life will be happier if maybe a little bit messier … which would you prefer?

Increase Touching & Intimacy

Newlyweds often cannot let go of each other as every moment they want to be close and intimate. Hugging, touching, kissing and caressing all build intimacy and happiness in closeness which can drop off the list of things to do as married life goes on.

Mothers especially find them selves all hugged out from children and have little left to give to their husbands which can build small resentments over time that can be a barrier to a free flow of marital happiness.

You do not need to go back to the heady days of the honeymoon but making sure you occasionally just hold your partner for more than a cursory hug every now and then does wonder. Hold them and let it linger to let them know you appreciate their closeness then make sure that you increase your touching. Add a few more kisses here and there, hold their shoulder with a loving squeeze when they are doing something and other small actions can do a lot more to showing love than any words can muster.

Make Time for Just the Two of You

Work, children and hectic social lives can sometimes makes pending time along with just the two of you hard. When it does happen often the only conversation is about work, children and your hectic social life too making it less of an intimate experience!

Not that you need to cut these things out of your conversation completely but taking the time to be alone and together without children begging for attention or your blackberry going off every 5 minutes is essential for reconnecting to each other.

No need for weeks of holidays, just an afternoon here a day every fee weeks or even just half an hour after the children are asleep to share some time in conversation over a drink is important to remind you that you are married to someone who you love and loves you back and that you are not just an mom or dad and that you are more than just a worker and provider. Remind yourselves you are two people, in love, married and fulfilling the dream of being happy though all hardships and problems.

So take the next week and apply these ideas to watch them grow and flourish into a happier marriage because a happy marriage breeds happier children, a better work life and a sense of contentment that boosts so many other things like health and success as well! For more detailed information on how to achieve these goals including exactly how to solve conflict without arguments and how to make your partner reciprocate all your efforts click below for reviews of guides written by professional relationship coaches that can help you create the perfect marriage to last a lifetime.

Marriage Tips & Secrets

Premature Ejaculation Solutions for Better Sex

Got a short fuse?
Got a short fuse?

The look in your partner’s eyes when you just do not go the distance is one of the most humiliating and shameful things a man experiences in his life. While sex is not the be all end all of a relationship it is a vital part and when a man feels he cannot satisfy his woman one of the binding forces of a relationship and also a mans self esteem starts to fray. Premature ejaculation solutions are therefore something that is fast becoming something that men, young and old, have become desperate to find. So why does premature ejaculation happen? Is there a solution and what must you do to fix it?

Why does Premature Ejaculation Happen?

Premature Ejaculation or PE as it is often referred to use to be seen as a young mans problem based on lack of experience. While young men who have not experiences sex very much are the largest group of men with this problem they are by no means the only ones. Often men of more advanced years with a lot more experience still suffer from this issue and find it extremely difficult to overcome as well. This is because PE is not just a physical problem but also a psychological one too.

When a man does not have control of his orgasm there is a multitude of reasons physical and mental such as:

  • Increased heart rate
  • Heavier and faster breathing
  • Overly eager attitude/too fast lovemaking
  • Performance anxiety
  • Bad masturbation habits which encourage fast orgasm

All these combine to a short fuse, a disappointed woman and your feelings of masculinity and self worth in the toilet.

Can you Fix Premature Ejaculation?

Yes! Premature ejaculation is curable but how easy it is varies different for each person. Young men with a lack of experience will usually be able to learn more self control from various techniques but men with more experience who still orgasm too quickly will find it more difficult especially when it comes to the psychological aspects which may have become ingrained. A combined approach of tackling psychological issues as well as the physical control issues can be taught and learned by any man who wants to satisfy his woman and fix his sexual relationship which also flows on to all other parts.

What Premature Ejaculation Solutions are there?

Physical

This is where most men put their efforts to fix PE and is the most important but we should lot forget the psychological aspects too. There are two basic parts to taking control of your orgasm:

  • The PC Muscle – This is the same muscle that you use if you would try to cut off the stream of urine when in the restroom. IT is a muscle that clamps down on the tubes that bring fluid through your penis much like stepping on a hose to use a crude analogy. This muscle if often not well developed and control of it is often poor in premature ejaculators so by exercising this muscle often you can build a level of control so you can clamp down when needed. This does not just stop the flow but sends signals to the brain that ejaculation is not wanted yet.
  • Breathing - This is often neglected but should not be! When we breath in fast we take in a lot more oxygen which in turn increases our heart rate rapidly. When we have an increased heart we have less control and more arousal. If you control your breathing buy keeping it steady, not being nervous and breathing out heavily (this reduces the heart rate) you will find you retain more physical and mental control of the situation.

Psychological

The emotional state we are in when we make love is heightened to a huge degree as our hormones go crazy with the prospect of sex and intimacy. When you already have performance problems this state of mind is very aware of them and its importance seems to comes to the fore of thinking which can be conflicting and is a self fulfilling prophecy. By being aware of the other parts of sex such as foreplay and romance a man can satisfy his woman a lot more before penetration and will boost self esteem and even is PE does happen it will not seems as bad. Getting rid of anxiety can be a hard thing to do but practice and talking to your woman about what she likes will help you take charge in the bedroom which can aid greatly.

For more on how to control your orgasm through physical and psychological means click below to find full guides with all the information you need to satisfy your woman so that she will never want to be with any other guy.

Premature Ejaculation Solutions