Most of us oftentimes know anger and emotional pain because of injury we endure or simply the life experiences that we have to go through. These life experiences sometimes include sickness, death of a close friend, seperation, or any number of old events that might eventually evolve into learning experiences if we could simply work through the events and see our way through them. The last thing that is likely to be on our minds is healing and forgiving or seeking forgiveness for our participation in the situation. That is normal. Similar to a literal wound, an emotional wound will not close instantly. It will require time, and if the injury is serious enough, professional assistance.

Of Course, our foremost reactions when we are hurt include lashing out at those around us, focusing attention on our injuries, and nursing hostility against the individual that we saw as having wronged us. At some point though, there comes a time when healing must come about if we are to move on with our lives. We must transition from a place of being unhealthy to a place of being healthy again. For injuries that involve others, that healing cannot fully occur until we candidly and openly forgive them. If we do not forgive, that wound might leave a bad emotional scar, if it even closes at all.

Though forgiveness is a prerequesite for absolute healing, it is not always necessary to confront the person that injured you. Sometimes it is not even suitable to interact with that individual as that may actually cause additional harm. A possible example would be a violent criminal and their victims. Likewise, if you need to ask someone’s forgiveness, it might not be in that individual’s best interest for you to interact with them as facing them might in reality cause them hurt. In these situations, a neutral party such as a counselor or therapist should be asked to properly lead the interactions and communications so that healing rather than destruction can come about. For less intense situations though, if feasible and as long as it does not damage the other person, grant forgiveness and seek it personally.

When you do grant forgiveness to somebody, be prepared that you may have to do it over again. We are merely human after all and those emotional hurts may still be irritated and raw to the point that we find ourselves holding bitterness over and over again. That is normal. While some may contend that you never sincerely forgave the other person, my experiences have taught me that oftentimes forgiveness must be granted again and again. While the initial act of forgiveness toward another might free them, we may have to forgive them again and again before we finally release the hurt from ourselves. We might be required to act on the decision to forgive before the emotions of forgiveness flow. Irrespective of how long it takes though, what is important is that we continue forgiving.

People who do not forgive tend to grow bitter, and they take that resentment out on those around them. They project what they have gone through onto other situations and the actions of other people. This is neither reasonable nor fair to the uninvolved individual. It may also turn out to be destructive to important relationships and make a person to grow isolated. Look At the victim of rape who, because of what she has gone through, starts to think that most men act that way. Her experiences allow her to see in others the behavior that she suffered. Because rape is such a deep injury, she would not only need to forgive her assailant, she would likewise require counseling and therapy to help her through. The point is though, that before that wound can fully heal, she will need to forgive.

We all work through trauma in our lives. It is impossible to have a life in which there is interaction with people and not be emotionally bumped, injured, and battered. Even with our most sincere intentions, we might harm those around us and not even be aware of it. After we are wounded though, as part of the recovery process, it is imperative to forgive the person who injured us so that we can fully live once again.

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Tags: self help