When I hear about couples that happen to be disloyal on their spouses, the first thought would be to feel for the spouse that doesn’t know. You know, the one that is living their life in a utopian-type of existence, fooled from the assumption that their partner is as dedicated and faithful to them as they are.
It’s really a cozy feeling, seeing and reading of other couples infidelity problems, not thinking for a second that it could be occurring to you.
Until reality bites…
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Catch A Spouse Cheating
It is usually a progressive feeling of unease, a noticed brief second of eye-to-eye contact between your partner and another, a comment out of context by a friend or colleague, a story that does not quite make sense. However in that brief moment, the foundation of confidence put in your spouse and marriage begins to crack, and you want to catch a spouse cheating.
Following your primary shock that it could even be taking place, many individuals vow payback, revenge, and one of the most common reactions in terms of payback is the temptation to have an affair in retaliation.
A retaliatory affair would seem the most improbable thing to do, considering the agony that the first affair caused, but it really looks like it’s a growing phenomenon, at least from the limited research I have completed with members that have kindly offered feedback. To tell the truth, a retaliatory affair was the last type of response I would have anticipated.
Of course, the rage is real, as are the sentiments of hurt and betrayal, but strangely enough many men and women who spoke to me were determined that they would not be seen as victims. Far from it, in reality, quite a few were determined to retaliate and do it in a way that their spouse may feel a lot of the hurt they felt at the time.
Let’s not pretend. Every one of us have times with our lives when we see someone that we have to say is very good looking, either a beautiful face, a beautiful smile, a beautifully proportioned body, or a self-confident demeanor that seemed both charismatic and magnetic. Good looking people are everywhere. Yet it might never be expected by us to consider our initial attention or attraction with a person to the point where we would contemplate entering into a sexual relationship with them. After all, being married is really a commitment, a promise of fidelity, a vow to honor one another.
We view beauty, but we don’t feel the compulsion to act upon it.
On the other hand when your partner departs from this commitment in such a shocking and hurtful fashion, it simply leaves many curious about their beliefs, as wll as their fidelity. If their fidelity has ended in them being cheated on and hurt so badly, surely it is alright to sleep with someone else to ‘even up the score,’ so to speak?
That co-worker that has made fleeting eye-to-eye contact with you at the copier machine, the shop assistant that has inadvertently flirted with you, the friend of a friend that has made a point of conversing with you at parties and comments on your looks, an ex whose information you still have or remember, most of these individuals are now potential play pals. After all, if it’s good enough for your spouse to accomplish it, surely there’s nothing wrong with you carrying it out too?
Usually the one determination of people within this position is always that if they will have an affair they are going to do it better and with someone hotter.
Now I am not saying all victims of cheating wind up doing this, because many do not. Even so the knee-jerk response is to go out and experience an affair too is a common reaction that numerous people seriously consider and follow-through.
Your first reaction must be to eliminate all doubt:
But does sleeping with another person actually make the infidelity hurt less? Does it make you feel better? Or can it be one of those things you do during the time which you later live to regret?
I am not planning to tell you if it’s right or wrong, as it’s a judgment call that you both are called to make as you comtemplate the reality of infidelity in your marriage.
But if it’s something you are seriously thinking about, have you given it ample thought? How are you going to feel at the moment you’re cheating on your spouse? How are you going to feel after? Are you able to tolerate the knowledge and the consequences of one’s actions?
For many, it is a ‘yes.’ However for many others, it brings an entire new raft of issues to what has already been an emotionally-charged situation.
Interesting thought though. Is retaliation in the form of an affair okay or not? Would it make you feel better or worse?
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