Someone once said that the loneliest place on the planet was a city, thousands of people, but all strangers passing you by. Well to me it’s a little like that being a single mum, so busy looking after the kids and yes loving them, but still craving a little attention yourself. It’s probably why so many single mums throw themselves into dating for parents, but it’s also why so many end up in the wrong relationship. The simple truth is that because single mums are conscious of the fact that they come with ‘baggage’ they often lack confidence, and so often will cling to the first man that shows an interest. And yet with a few simple rules things could be so different.
Rule number one – It’s a complete myth that no man is willing to date a mum with kids still at home. There are thousands of men who are single parents themselves and in truth often as conscious of their ‘baggage’ as you. Men who will see you for the woman you are, before the fact that you also come with kids. On top of this we live in a world where there are no more stigmas with single mums, dating for single parents is common and happens every day.
The second rule to remember – accept that the first rule is true and when you look in the mirror see the confident women, not the tired mother! When we are confident we will always become a harder and more worthwhile catch. Men will always go out of there way to run after and try to impress confident girls, girls who are keen to please always lack appeal to them. The first thing you do is get your girlfriends around, throw on your best clothes and make up, start to enjoy life again. I know whith the kids around your always worn out, but trust me just the fact of creating some ‘me time’ and putting on your make up will start to do wonders for your confidence. Spending an evening or two with your girlfriends is right away help to show you just how many friends you have, helping you to realise that yes you are a great person .
Rule number three – The kids and you are a unit and so never feel ashamed that they will always come first in your life. If you can’t make a date, or need to finish a date early to see to the children, always put them first. A lot reading this will be of the opinion that this is only going to put a man off, well I say it’s a fool proof test to see what that man is really like. If he gets angry and stroppy, well it’s hardly going to improve with time is it? But if he understands and is happy to work around the kids then you’ve got a great indicator of what this man is likely to be like in the long run.
Rule number four – never forget that the kids already have a dad, OK the fact your dating again shows us all that the past relationship is dead, but trust me allowing the new man in your life to act like a ‘new’ dad is only going to course trouble. All you will gain from this is a very upset ‘real’ father and very possibly angry and confused children. It always works best by getting the kids to call your new partner by his first name, get them to slowly see him as a positive new friend in their lives, dad is still happy and with any luck make an excellent baby sitter!
Remember there really are men out there who will always see you as you, not just a single mum. Make time everyday just for you, see your girlfriends and become that confident girl again. Always remember you and the children are a family, and try to always keep their dad on side. Stick to this and you’ll be amazed at how great dating for parents is!
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