Relationships are lovely as long as they last. And a relationship breakup can happen. We’ve been fed stories about the “lived happily ever after” since our childhood. So we find it difficult to accept break-ups at personal level. It can happen to others, but it can’t happen to us. That is the general attitude. Oh, but it can. And that is what everybody needs to face.
I do, however, feel that we should not be the cause for the break down in any relationship. This is the least we can do. Every relationship that breaks down creates some level of toxicity in the person who has been hurt in the process. That toxicity is periodically spewed at other unsuspecting souls, who become unhappy and in process may utter something that damages their relationships. The process goes on. Eventually, we could be at the receiving end of the snowball effect. So identifying the problem correctly, and being correct in our behavior makes a lot of difference to the relationship as well as the world.
Generally, people get bored in relationships. So here was a boy and a girl, they met, and fell head over heels in love. They dated, and eventually got married. Thereafter, there are no more chapters to follow, and the boy and the girl are obviously confused about how they are supposed to go on from there. They want something new, and exciting but don’t know what. They feel cheated because they’ve been promised something great; everything that was left open to conjecture. This is when they try everything very rapidly, and find nothing is giving them the kick. So boredom sets in. This is compounded by the time on their hands. They feel this relationship is not the right one for them, so they need to look elsewhere for solutions. Creating a relationship breakup.
The truth is all relationships are alike. It is the frame of mind that makes the difference. By the time the person starts a second relationship, he or she would have taken a few lessons from the first relationship. These come handy in ironing out a few problems till some dissatisfaction takes over. It doesn’t mean that the relationships that last longer are essentially due to excellent chemistry. It means that they were wiser to accept that there would be crests and troughs in their relationships. They chose to moderate their feelings so that the impact of trough phase was minimal. This they did by finding another objective that they were passionate about. Note I mentioned objective and not another partner.
This perhaps is the reason Bill and Melinda Gates click well together. This is also the reason Hillary Clinton’s marriage survived the storm. We’ve all had it easy. Our parents have given us homes, and incomes. So we do not have to struggle. But that deprives us with something to be passionate about. In the previous generations, the relationships lasted longer partly because they had to overcome the financial hardships. We don’t. This makes our relationships more fragile.