Are you desparate to win back your ex? Are you calling, emailing, or texting him/her, asking for forgiveness, asking for another chance, asking… maybe even begging?
You should not do that if you really want to repair the relationship and get back with your ex. There is a better way to get back together. Learn to work with the natural flow of energy in these situations, leveraging it to your advantage. Here are some strategies and advice.
Where do things stand now? Did the relationship end in a fiery argument and/or confrontation about something you did, or did not do? Did he/she break it off because of a continuing issue that finally was too much for your ex to bear? What were the parting words – “I never want to see you again!”, or “This is not working out. I need some time by myself.”?
Consider that when a trained soldier senses his opponent moving toward him, he will use that momentum and energy to his advantage by working with that motion or even accelerating it to gain an advantage. Maybe he will pull his opponent quickly to get behind him and deliver a blow or secure a hold. He uses the energy that is present to his advantage. And so should you.
Analyze how you feel, how you think your ex feels, and how he/she is tending now. What is the color of the relationship now? If the relationship recently ended amid loud and angry exchanges, it may be best to have a cooling down period before attempting any reconciliation initiatives. If it ended amicably, but painfully, then wait 7-10 days and follow up with her/him to review what went wrong and try to recover.
Flooding him/her immediately with texts, emails, or calls will cause to happen the opposite of what you want, if you fail to stop and understand the energy of the moment. Your ex will feel pressured, and possibly reinforced in the decision to break it off. It is human nature to avoid pressure, to not respond to a barrage of messages, and to attempt to build a wall for protection. Once a wall is erected, it takes more work to bring it down.
Start by going silent. Give him/her time to reflect, time to reconsider, time to miss you. You need to be disciplined and work within a planned approach to win back your ex. Let your her/him know that you understand the break up at this time. Don’t over emphasize “at this time”, but do make it a part of your response. Those three words send the message that you still value him/her and the relationship.
Focus on your own personal growth. Be positive, confident and strong despite the pain you feel. Keep to yourself and play a little hard-to-get if he/she tries to re-connect with you. This posture, when truthfully made, is a key ingredient to getting back with your ex.
This will prepare you for the next steps to get your ex back and restore the joy you first felt in that relationship.