You are discussing divorce with your spouse. You are upset, sensitive, and not reasoning logically. Each day seems like a tragedy! Stop! Breathe! Your children didn’t cause this, so you have to have a plan for telling them that is centered on them. Commonly, if they are 5 or older, you ought to think very carefully about divorce. This will be how they remember the divorce and could be one of the most necessary things you do for your children. Both of you have to be in agreement completely that everything moving forward is with regards to the kids as #1 starting with telling them.
Pick a time and location. Agree on somewhere that the children will feel at ease. We were setting up a dinner but on the way to the restaurant in the van, we decided it would feel more spur-of-the-moment and an open talk rather than a formal sit down. Whatever you fix on, ensure they feel secure and in a friendly environment. Ensure no distractions from other individuals, TVs, phones, game consoles, devices, and so forth.
Be emotionally prepared. This can be an easy factor to miss but it is an extremely emotional matter and there are probably some very “raw” feelings on both your parts. Decide on which individual will do the most discussion, as one of you may get disappointed. This conversation will set the mood for your children and what they think of this whole matter. Strive to wear a happy facade which will speak louder than any words that are articulated.
The words you choose are essential. Think with regards to them, write them out and say them vocally. I looked into a lot of opinions and here are a few that I found to be the finest. Bear in mind, the age will influence some of it. Begin with mom and dad haven’t been getting along these days and we are going to live away from each other. Avoid the word “divorce” as it has negative all over it and most children know this word as tearing apart and not connected to “for the better”. This separation agreement has nothing to do with you, and what’s more we love you above anything in this earth. We will always be your mama and papa and we will constantly be here anytime you ever need anything. You can consult to any of us anytime on the subject of any issue you have. Explain what they can expect to see, is dad or mom moving out, will you be sharing the house for some time. They need a picture of what will come to pass and when. Now just pay attention, respond to every question, and converse to them at their level. If they don’t want to discuss it, give them room but follow up because they will have questions, thoughts and judgments.