All posts by James Fargo

Plan Your Perfect Romantic Mini-Break

Nothing can be so exhausting as a week of work. When the five stressful, intense days have finally passed for another week, many of us can only muster the energy to collapse on the sofa, remote in hand, and spend the next two days in the immediate vicinity. The idea of an action-packed weekend, which involves actually leaving the house and – God forbid – going away for two nights, can seem a little ambitious. But if you manage to plan and execute a weekend away, the rewards can be enormous. It will take you out of your environment and distract you from the mundane concerns of work and home life. It will re-energise you for the week ahead. It will have all of the joys of a holiday but without using up any days off. And finally, it could do wonders for your relationship.

Whether you’ve met through online dating or through work, there’s nothing like taking a trip away together. You’ll find that much needed time to enjoy each other’s company here – away from the everyday distractions and concerns. Here are a few suggestions for the type of romantic trip you might want to take…

Budget Breaks

If you’re a bit strapped for cash, there are plenty of ways to have a cheap, and still brilliant, weekend break. Just be constantly on the lookout for money-saving deals and keep your sights within the UK. There are plenty of websites to browse for these offers. There were actually a few fantastic deals recently that offered two-for-one tickets to top city attractions when you travelled there by train. Trains and coaches can be very cheap if you book in advance and could be a useful money-saving alternative to driving. And you never know – some plane tickets can be incredibly cheap nowadays if you look in the right places.

‘Meeting in the Middle’ Breaks

Every guide to long distance relationships will stress the importance of compromise. If you and your partner do live far away from each other, rather than the usual visit, why not meet them in the middle and have a romantic mini-break in a new place? You could even put a tape measure to a map, work out exactly where the halfway point is and meet there!

Winter Breaks

With the colder season nearly upon us, why not take advantage of it and take a skiing mini-break in Europe? Exhilarating activity, stunning views and hot chocolate in the sun followed by cosy nights in the hotel bar – who could ask for more?

Sentimental Breaks

Why not look up the place where your partner grew up, call on your Scottish grandparents, or stay in the town where your secondary school is? Sharing a bit of history will undoubtedly bring you closer together. Alternatively, you could revisit somewhere that means a lot to you as a couple – where you first met or where he proposed. This will ensure a weekend of nostalgia, reminiscence and romance.

Surprise Breaks

You could plan this break together, or alternatively, demonstrate your compatibility by choosing a perfect surprise break for them. You could even keep the whole thing under wraps until you meet them from work with train tickets, a carefully packed suitcase and a smile.

Taking a mini-break is the perfect way to end a stressful week, and there’s one out there for everyone, whether it’s a budget jaunt to south Wales or an exhilarating snowboarding weekend in Switzerland!

Steps of Divorce Recovery for Men – 5 Phases of Divorce

There are various steps of divorce recovery for men. These steps or approaches may range from the conventional up to the most contemporary and will ultimately work for your benefit. But before you go out to start your search for such methods its best that you understand the stages that you are most likely going through first in order to become more effective in your hunt for solutions. With this being said, here are the five phases of divorce:

Denial

Denial is the very first problem that you will most likely encounter. Divorce for many men (or even can seem unreal at first. The emotional and mental strain it causes as well as the consequences attached can be so difficult to take in all at once that it forces many to deny the fact that what’s happening is real.  The characteristics of denial may include:

  • Not believing that the divorce will and is going to happen.
  • Denying the possibility of life after divorce.
  • Denying the consequences of divorce.
  • Acting childishly whenever confronted with the issue.

Anger

Anger is the second phase of divorce. When everything starts to dawn on you and when reality hits, it will hurt – a lot. This can leave you very upset, bitter and generally angry towards those who have caused you so much pain and grief. In worst cases your anger can get out of hand and even hurt those who would do nothing more except offer their help or those who are totally unrelated and can even be considered victims of the divorce themselves – your children for example. Some of the most common characteristics that will define this phase will include:

  • Lashing out
  • Being bitter, resentful and withdrawn.
  • Deliberately sabotaging things in the hopes of getting even.
  • Substance abuse.

Bargaining

The bargaining phase is nothing more than act of desperation to counter what is happening – an act of desperation and nothing more. You beg and plead sacrificing even your self-respect in a last ditch effort that deep inside even you, know, will never work. Some of the things you will mostly find yourself doing (unless you stop yourself that is) during this stage would include:

  • Plead for reconsideration and reconciliation.
  • Blackmailing your ex-wife to get back together.
  • Trying to get back to your old life instead of moving on to a new one.

Depression

Depression will be the last and hardest phase that you will be confronting with. When all your efforts at getting back, getting angry or pleading are in vain, you will most likely find yourself feeling helpless, powerless and empty. Some of the things you might experience or show when under the influence of depression will include.

  • Emotional withdrawal from society as well as life.
  • Lack of energy and purpose.
  • Full blown clinical depression.
  • …and even suicidal tendencies (in worst cases)

Acceptance

There is only one true way to achieve recovery, and that is through acceptance. This is the final phase of your journey. This will and should serve as your target. The path to acceptance will be difficult, painful, and can even be long. But it is not impossible to achieve, as long as you understand the stages and what you will be able to do in order to overcome them, you will eventually get to this point – a point of new beginnings and happier moments.

If you want to know not only the steps of divorce recovery for men, but also how to speed through these and not be caught up in the destructive actions that they can cause, click below to find out more …

Recovering From Divorce for Men

Men and Divorce – 3 Guidelines To Follow

Men and divorce usually go unnoticed by society. The reason for this is very simple as well – they are considered to be the stronger half of the sexes both physically and emotionally. This leads to a very wrong conclusion that no matter what, they will pull through unscathed in the end. Sadly men are still human, and are not impervious to the enormous emotional and mental strain that divorce can bring.

So, what is it that is really going on inside a man’s head living in a post divorce world?

Surface Emotions

You actually do not need to be a psychologist or an expert analyst to see how divorce affects a man. The emotions and feelings are quite transparent and easy to see. Anger, sadness, fear, anxiety, jealousy, etc. – all of them negative emotions that tend to crowd one’s mind making it difficult to think and act clearly on solutions that can make things better.

Of course, these emotions are understandably natural enough when one’s life seems to be falling apart. But the question is, why are they so difficult to deal with? Why do many (maybe even including you) get stuck in these modes and head for self destruction instead of finding ways to make things better? The answer lie in the fact that the surface emotions you are feeling right now is not the real problem at hand, it lies even deeper.

Underlying Psychological Issues

The issues you are dealing with are not just caused by a deeper anger; you can even say that they are the conflicts of your soul. A power struggle between your ego and self-esteem is raging at this very moment, each one vying for dominance, serving as the perfect breeding ground for hatred and negativity.

So how do you deal with this then?

The solution is not to bolster your self esteem or ego, this is only a game played by fools. It will only lead you to do very silly things in order to feel in control, powerful or more attractive – all of which are temporary. The solution lies in your self-respect. You need to realize that there is nothing more you can do at this point except to accept what has happened and be happy for yourself despite of the circumstances and despite of what other people think.

Being happy with yourself at this moment can indeed be difficult but it is in no way impossible. With serious introspection and deeper understanding you will be able to achieve a state wherein you will be able to move above and beyond your anger allowing you to head towards a brighter looking future. If you want to know more about the hidden psychology of your mind and how to deal with the issues you are dealing with now, just click on the link provided below.

Men and Divorce

The Steps You Can Take To Fix Your Sexless Marriage

When trying to work out how to fix a sexless marriage there are things to do and things to avoid at all costs.

Do Not Do These Things to Fix Your Sexless Marriage!

Don’t Get Angry

You are obviously frustrated with your current situation but taking this anger out on your partner is not going to turn this around – it will probably just make matters worse.

Don’t Be Sexually Forceful

Obviously when you want to be intimate you want to show it but if you are in a situation where sex is so infrequent you consider your marriage to be sexless going in full tilt will not do.

A more gentle approach is needed especially if you are a man though the same rule applies to women

Don’t Make it About You

Communication is a vital part of fixing the situation within your marriage. You need to make sure that the majority of the conversation from your end doesn’t involve you doing nothing but complaining about the current state of affairs..

Look Within To Fix Your Sexless Marriage

You need to find a way to display your attractive side to your partner again. If you can work out what it was that they were attracted to in the first place you can start looking at ways to reignite this passion.

At some stage in the past there was sexual chemistry – by being positive about yourself you are creating a situation this chemistry can be ignited once again

For more help for a sexless relationship click below to get the advice you need to bring back intimacy and passion no matter how dire things may seem.

How to Fix a Sexless Marriage

Cope In A Sexless Marriage With These Tips For More Passion

Coping with a sexless marriage involves fighting against a range of emotions as you attempt to work out where it all went wrong. While it may feel hopeless, take heart – there have been plenty of couples before you who managed to turn their situation around.

Dealing with your emotions isimportant to getting though this problem. By being angry all the time you will end up driving your partner further away as opposed to making them more attracted to you

An important aspect of attraction is confidence. The higher yours is the more attractive you tend to be. If your confidence has been beaten down throughout this ordeal you need to work at getting it back.

Communication is vitally important – and the focus needs to be more on your partner rather than on your own demands.

Coping in a sexless marriage demands that both partners to still want to be there. If this is the case then there are no problems so big that they can’t be sorted out.

If you want more help and information about sexless relationships then click below for advice from two people who have been through it have been able to cope in a sexless marriage

Sexless Marriage Help

Is It Possible To Salvage Your Marriage After Infidelity?

The emotional wreckage that comes after the discovery of an affair, makes it tough for couples to work towards maintaining their marriage after infidelity has occurred.However your marriage after an affair can also become a relationship that is stronger and more loving than it was before. Read on to discover how you can achieve this…

Moving forward after an episode of infidelity can only get underway when the betrayed party realizes they need to offer forgiveness for the act..If you are finding forgiveness especially difficult hopefully the tips below can help in some small way:

Work on creating a new version of your marriage

A natural reaction to a marital affair is to desire a return to the way things were in the past… oddly even if before was not so great. Unfortunately in most situations this is not a possibility. The trust that has been broken means the past cannot be reclaimed and your relationship cannot be mended in such a simple fashion.

A much healthier approach is to look at this as a fresh start – a new marriage with redefined roles and values..

Try not to focus on the negative emotions

You have every reason to feel these negative emotions, but continually focusing on them will only add to the depth or your anger and resentment.By letting these emotions get the better of you, you risk driving an even larger barrier between you and your partner which may prove impossible to overcome

If you are ever becoming so enraged that you cannot have a proper conversation simply tell your spouse you are angry and need some time to calm down then maybe go for a walk.. A successful recovery from infidelity in marriage is dependent on your ability to keep communication open when your anger tells you to shut them down.

Do you want to know more about surviving an affair and rebuilding the trust and love in your marriage? If so click below to hear my story and how it can help you.

Rebuilding marriage after infidelity

Techniques for Controlling Premature Ejaculation

“My relationship with my girlfriend was suffering tremendously because of my premature ejaculation. We tried to make it seem like only a small thing until she told me in tears she had cheated on my because of this issue. I was devastated!”

No one wants to be in a situation like this but often couples try to gloss over sexual problems out of embarrassment or out of a feeling that a focus on sex would be an insult to all the other great parts of a relationship. In the end though sex is integral to your sexual fulfillment and overall happiness within a relationship and if you can not last long enough in bed with your woman you may need techniques for controlling premature ejaculation so that you can have the great, passionate sex you need to sustain intimacy on a physical front.

How long is not long enough though?

If you are unsure exactly how long you should be lasting for with sexual intercourse you may be nervous and confused as to whether you really are ejaculating prematurely. While if you barely last a minute you probably know you have a short fuse other men who can last longer still may feel they do not satisfy their partners which can be a source of shame too.

First you must realize there is no exact rule as to how long sex should be. There is no threshold you need to reach to give your partner satisfaction as this varied from couple to couple to greatly based on their emotional and physical differences. It is also not essential for a man to give a woman an orgasm with penetration every time for them to enjoy sex and for you to feel good about it.

This is not to say women do not crave an orgasm and that they are happy with only a quickie either. The important thing to know what your particular girl likes and if you cannot last long enough to give them that pleasure then they will be left feeling sexually unfulfilled. Sometimes they can even feel even resentful that you can reach orgasm and they can’t even though you feel just as bad and less of a man because of it.

What techniques for controlling premature ejaculation are there?

There are multiple methods to prevent premature ejaculation and while you may think this is only a physical problem there are many psychological and emotional elements that need their own techniques to overcome as well. Determining which ones are more of a problem then focusing on them first is the best way to proceed so here are some problems and techniques that you can use.

Physical

Fast Heart Rate

When we do exercise or get excited our heart rate goes up and the body starts producing all sorts of hormones and chemicals that serve various important functions including how to orgasm. The body and its orgasm however is controlled by how excited you ware which means that if you do not maintain good body control you will lose it! When you are making love however this can be hard. Your partner is exciting you, it feels great and the entire situation is heady and full of emotion and highly charged sexuality. How can you stop your heart from racing? You could try not to get too carried away with your partners body and face which communicate a lot of visual excitement, closing your eyes can help some men or concentrating on a point on the ceiling may help though it may annoy your partner that you are not paying attention too so beware! Being mindful to slow things down a bit even though your body it telling you to go faster can also back off from over stimulating yourself and raising your heat rate. One of the simplest things to do though that is proven to calm a racing heart which many athletes know is to control your breathing.
When you breathe in and out heavily your heart rate goes up so a solution to lower it is to keep your breathing steady and try to breath OUT long and take shorter breaths as you need to expel the carbon dioxide in your lungs which is signaling your brain to make you breath harder which can make you heart go up notch.

Poor PC Muscle Control

The PC muscle or PuboCoccygeus muscle is the part of your body that controls the flow of fluids from your penis. It is also essential for keeping control of your orgasm to stop from reaching orgasm too soon. Techniques for controlling premature ejaculation often focus perhaps too heavily on this muscle but it is a major part of maintaining control during sex. If you strengthen and have excellent control of this muscle you can tighten it during love making you not only stop fluid flow but it tells the brain that you are not ready to orgasm. So control of the PC muscle is vital.
To do this you need to do ‘Kegel Exercises’ which are simply exercises that involve you flexing your PC muscle in different ways. This will strengthen them and give you control over them later when you are with your woman to allow a much greater physical control than you once had.
Overly Sensitive Penis

This can be a problem for younger lovers especially who are simply not used to sexual intercourse yet. While there are drugs that ‘numb’ the penis this is not a real solution. There is not real solution to this but experience, the more you make love the more used to it you will get. IF you can control the other issues surrounding premature ejaculation then this should not be as big an issue. The only way to really control, this is to communicate with your partner about speed and what you are doing which is not a premature ejaculation control technique but it will help.

Psychological

Performance Anxiety

This can be a major problem again for younger men but if you have had many premature ejaculation experiences it can become more than a passing phase and can become ingrained. Worrying about your abilities and if you can please your partner and if you are any good and if you will come too soon can totally destroy your confidence and become a self fulfilling prophesy. Later on this can also lead to impotence if not dealt with so if it is a continuing thing this needs to be checked. Good communication with your lover can help along with a lot of foreplay to get them highly excited which gives you time to maintain control as well as boosting your confidence that with your hands, mouth and other parts of your body you can give them pleasure and make them want you.
Another mental trick many find handy is to think of yourself as confident even if you do no feel it. Think and repeat to yourself that you are a stud, a sexual passionate man with great bedroom skills. You may realize you are not, but if you act this out it is amazing how much it can make a difference, the more you believe and repeat something to yourself the more it actually becomes true. If you manage to last longer a few times doing this and you see it working you will break down those mental barriers and the anxiety will slide.

Unrealistic Expectations

While porn may make you think you know a lot about sex it actually destroys many of the realistic elements of making love and replaces them in your mind with over the top expectations about what your partner and yourself should be doing. It can make you think you need to act like a porn star and hammer away like a jackhammer so fast you lose control because that is what you think women like. Forget this! If you need a role model to base your love making on look at romantic chick flicks with some sex scenes more because that is what turns them on more. Get rid of the porn image because pornography was created for men not for women and ruins what should be an intimate moment with an expectation of something that are highly unrealistic and male-centric.

For more on how you can apply these techniques for controlling premature ejaculation click below for complete guides with diagrams, illustrations and many more hints and tips that will turn you into a powerful long lasting lover than no women would want to leave.

Premature Ejaculation solutions

How to Keep a Happy Marriage Through all Life’s Struggles

Life is rarely perfect and there are always struggles and adversity to overcome which can place a massive amount of stress on a marriage. How to keep a happy marriage despite these things can seem like a difficult task for any couple but the rewards of reducing conflict and promoting love and happiness actually makes overcoming hardship easier and will reduce difficulties in an almost karmic way.

There is no secret formula to keeping a marriage happy but there are a lot of small things you should be doing that will work no matter what sort of marriage you have be it: professional working couples, married with kids, marriage with pets, young, old and everything in-between! Some advice that will lead to better results in no time are:

Commitment to Marital Happiness

First and foremost is the idea that happiness is not something that magically lands in your lap. Happiness is not your bank account balance nor is it success, children or half a hundred other things that people often tie their entire happiness to. Happiness is a choice through adversity and good times that you must commit to nurturing so that it becomes a self fulfilling prophesy.

This does not involve grand gestures or a lot of extra time but it does require a constant awareness of what you are doing and contributing to your marriage to make your life with your spouse and children better and happier every day. No one else can do this it is up to you first and foremost and this investment in happiness will be infectious to your entire family.

Focus on the Good Rather then the Bad

One problem many people face when things get tough and sometimes when everything in life seems good is to focus on the negative. When life seems great this may be because you become obsessed with removing anything slightly bad about it and when things are down it becomes much easier to see lots of negative things.

When you overlook the annoying things such as towels left on the floor, the occasional bowl or cup left unlearned, poorly folded clothes in the draws or a hundred other bad habits instead concentrate on what you love about your spouse.

Remind yourself and focus on those things that you adore. The way they hold you when you are sad, their boisterous laugh, the way they always cook your favorite foods on the weekend, how delightfully they play with the kids or whatever warms your heart.

Show Appreciation More Often

When life gets hard or busy and we are comfortable in a marriage we tend to forgot to compliment our partners on their actions because we become accustomed to it. In fact it can often be the case that after a while you get accustomed to all the good thing your spouse does that you see them as ‘normal’ and start wanting more effort and more good things to make you feel they are special and you are happy.

This can be poisonous and a simple remedy to such things is to remember to compliment your partner often and show real appreciation for even the smallest things. If they clean something up that you usually do without asking make sure to say thank you, if they spend some extra effort to get dressed up when going out say they look great and even when they are just doing their job you workout like picking the kids up from school remember to occasionally thank them for doing this.

If you are heartfelt about this it is easy, quick and not only makes your spouse feel more appreciated and loved but it builds reciprocity and you will find that they cannot help but show you appreciation back. On the opposite end of the spectrum a relationship where compliments have faded from conversations will find that there is no reciprocity as neither husband nor wife gives anything and neither gets it in return making for an unhappy marriage and often resentment and anger and a slide to focusing on the negatives.

Show Respect to Your Spouse

As has been mentioned sometimes we tend to take our husbands or wife for granted in all that they do. ‘Familiarity breeds contempt’ as the saying goes but it does not have to if we choose to be mindful of how we act.

If you have ever caught yourself saying things to your spouse that you would never say to your friends or your work colleagues because it may insult them then you may be sliding down this dark path. It may be because you know they love you and something disrespectful will not be taken to heart or that you are so comfortable in talking to your partner that you feel cutting to the chase and showing your true feelings of annoyance at something will simply get to the core of the problem faster; this is not a good way to communicate even if it seems efficient.

Your spouse is a person like any other and showing disrespect to them hurts them and hurts your relationship. IF you have the choice to be nice or to be right and to point it out then what do you think creates happiness? Be nice, communicating problems can be done respectfully.

Do Not Nitpick

Like the idea that you should focus on the good parts of your spouse and overlook the small bad things you should also work this into how you communicate. The idea of ‘picking your battles’ can be an important part of how you approach conflict in marriage because there will always be some disagreements no matter how well matched you are.

Whenever there is an issue you feel like raising, ask yourself if this is really worth picking a fight about. Is it really important enough to be creating more conflict or should this one slide? While you feel all problems must be resolved if you are constantly nagging about this and that your partner will start to filter out what you are saying because most problems are too petty. If you do not nitpick when you do raise a concern they will pay far more attention so save your problem solving conversations to those that do matter.

Likewise if you are tolerant of the small things you will find you partner will show tolerance to any of your habits and life will be happier if maybe a little bit messier … which would you prefer?

Increase Touching & Intimacy

Newlyweds often cannot let go of each other as every moment they want to be close and intimate. Hugging, touching, kissing and caressing all build intimacy and happiness in closeness which can drop off the list of things to do as married life goes on.

Mothers especially find them selves all hugged out from children and have little left to give to their husbands which can build small resentments over time that can be a barrier to a free flow of marital happiness.

You do not need to go back to the heady days of the honeymoon but making sure you occasionally just hold your partner for more than a cursory hug every now and then does wonder. Hold them and let it linger to let them know you appreciate their closeness then make sure that you increase your touching. Add a few more kisses here and there, hold their shoulder with a loving squeeze when they are doing something and other small actions can do a lot more to showing love than any words can muster.

Make Time for Just the Two of You

Work, children and hectic social lives can sometimes makes pending time along with just the two of you hard. When it does happen often the only conversation is about work, children and your hectic social life too making it less of an intimate experience!

Not that you need to cut these things out of your conversation completely but taking the time to be alone and together without children begging for attention or your blackberry going off every 5 minutes is essential for reconnecting to each other.

No need for weeks of holidays, just an afternoon here a day every fee weeks or even just half an hour after the children are asleep to share some time in conversation over a drink is important to remind you that you are married to someone who you love and loves you back and that you are not just an mom or dad and that you are more than just a worker and provider. Remind yourselves you are two people, in love, married and fulfilling the dream of being happy though all hardships and problems.

So take the next week and apply these ideas to watch them grow and flourish into a happier marriage because a happy marriage breeds happier children, a better work life and a sense of contentment that boosts so many other things like health and success as well! For more detailed information on how to achieve these goals including exactly how to solve conflict without arguments and how to make your partner reciprocate all your efforts click below for reviews of guides written by professional relationship coaches that can help you create the perfect marriage to last a lifetime.

Marriage Tips & Secrets