A failing marriage can seem to head towards divorce with startling speed like a runaway locomotive with its breaks broken and a rocket attached to it to boot. How to stop a divorce in these circumstances seems an unstoppable task and no matter how hard you try the same arguments, the same grievances keep coming back. Anger flares, raised voices, broken things on the ground or hurtling through the air or maybe just a chilly silence that can rend your heart in two.
So how can you stop the runaway divorce train and how can you do it when it feels like you are the only one trying? The truth is it will not be easy, it will involve a level of commitment you will have to give at 100% and it will involve a lot of emotional pain which may seem like the last thing you want at this point but if a happy outcome is your goal and you are prepared to get it there is one technique that will start you on the path to preventing divorce.
Stop arguing! Stop trying to win! Stop being logical! Stop Keeping score!
In other words … lose and do not fight back.
Ouch huh? No one likes to lose, no one likes being accused of things they are not guilty of and no one likes to be attacked without a chance to retaliate but what are you really trying to do here? Prove you know what is best or save your marriage?
How to stop a divorce starts with how to stop the anger and resentment and the first and best way to do this is to reach a level of calm and acceptance and let your spouse rage at you because that is not the real issue. When they realize you are not fighting back 99% of the time they will calm down and even apologize. Only then once the situation is calm and the anger largely gone can you start the next steps on how to stop a divorce.
If you are prepared to be the one who saves your marriage even if you think your partner does not want it click below to find guides written by experts in the field that can give you step by step instruction and advice to stop your divorce and save your marriage.
Marriage can be seen in two ways; a bond that legally binds you to a person for better or worse OR a statement of love with a promise to keep it and nurture it till death does you part. While both are true to a degree which one of them sounds more fulfilling to you? To me the second sounds like the relationship I want to be in and the first just sounds like a bleak or business like agreement. I believe the key to stop your divorce, save your marriage and live happily ever after is to make a true choice to love rather than commitment.
Love is a hard thing to classify and many people even doubt it existence or claim it to just be an amalgamation of lust, hormones, chemicals and eventually security and comfort. The philosophical question may always rage but it is a moot point because however it is defined it can be seen to shape our lives and society beyond our understanding at times. It is from love that commitment flows not the other way around so think with love not vows and preconceptions.
With this in mind to stop your divorce, save your marriage and do it with love there are a few simple steps you can take to promote the transition from angry arguments to meaningful communication that can lead to actual long lasting resolutions.
Lose The Ego
Ego is a major problem when people who are in an argument whether you are married or just having an argument with a stranger your ego is the thing that makes you defend yourself as strongly as possible and refuses to admit it is wrong or if you are right refuses to take any slight against it. When you try to communicate but your ego steps in and redirects conversation to make you feel powerful, correct and secure you inflame what is already a tense and volatile situation. If you leave your ego at the door and just take a barbed comment or two without feeling the need to retaliate you can defuse the situation somewhat which allows communication to flow properly. If you leave your ego out then often so does your partner once they see that no one is keeping count of points scored.
Leave The Word Love Out
This may sound counter intuitive because I just said do this with love! Unfortunately the word love is a loaded thing with unpredictable results and the often used “Bu I Love You!” line may not be taken in the right context and may seem to your partner to be an excuse or an attempt to make them feel guilty which again inflames the situation making it hard to stop your divorce, save your marriage and be able to say those words, mean it and have it returned in kind. Actions speak louder than words and your actions in how you approach your communication can be your showing of love.
If you are prepared to be the one who saves your marriage even if you think your partner does not want it click below to find step by step information guides compiled by experts that can help you stop your divorce save your marriage and never look back!
Preventing a divorce can be a tricky thing to do as it is a journey fraught with dangers and navigating your way through troubled seas of arguments, hurt feelings, broken hearts and the countless small niggles of married life seems overwhelming to the point of desperation for many men and women. Finding out how to prevent divorce therefore becomes a confusing grey area where logic and solutions seem to mean nothing as raw emotions bring everything crashing down.
The trouble often is that the confusion becomes so great that we do throw up our arms metaphorically (and sometimes physically!) in defeat and either stop caring or revert to our baser instincts where fear and anger take a hold; this just makes matters worse. To make sense of this confusing minefield of marital distress we must first realize that we can make things simpler than they seem by focusing on the one central aspect of a marriage … Love.
If you keep the belief that you are still in love and that love is the driving force for your marriage then you can start to develop that same attitude in your partner even if it seems like they have no interest in it all. However, to do this you must first learn to defuse hostile situations so that the right environment can be found to actually communicate properly without tearing each others heads off. Here are a few tips to help to get to this situation.
Stop the Hostility
The first barrier is the hostility that develops with problematic marriages. Both people have hit a point where they will not back down as they feel hard done by and do not want to lose the argument to save their face and to prove a point that is probably not really the issue at hand. The problem is that everyone seems to be keeping score and wanting to be right, wanting to WIN which is a poisonous attitude in a relationship where you are suppose to be working together and understanding each other on a level of intimacy that only lovers can reach. If you can leave the ego at the door and learn that keeping score does not matter you may take some barbed comments but you will find your partner will not continue to attack if you do not attack back. Only when the hostility is gone will you be able to talk properly.
Uncover the Real Issue
Most arguments seem to revolve around small insignificant things or “niggles” such as household chores, minor money matters or small personal habits. You probably know that this is not the real reason or might be baffled as to why it is a problem but all of these niggles either have a kernel of truth to them or are a signal of some other larger marriage threatening problem.
For instance, a wife yells at her husband for neglecting his chores and children because he is going out with his friends too often. The husband feels he is a good father and while is not prompt with chores gets them done in an orderly fashion and yells back that he needs some time to himself too – Is this argument really about the children or chores however? While the wife might seem to be strong willed she might be feeling very threatened and insecure because of the time her husband spends away from the family. The husband may also feel suffocated by the home environment but cannot find a way to express this so blows off steam with his friends instead. Or there could be many other reasons but they are not the things being talked about! Once you calm an argument down however you have the ability to navigate your true feelings as painful as they might be to express when they are aired in the right atmosphere then you can find out how to prevent divorce for the right reasons and with the right decisions.
So if you are prepared to be the one who saves your marriage even if you think your partner does not want it click below to find more information on stopping divorce and mending your broken marriage.
We always seem to start off our marriages with high hopes and dreams, with romance and passion and a belief that nothing will ever drag us apart. This may be true for some till death do they part but for half of marriages today this is not the case and the worst starts to happen, you drift apart and you start desperately trying to find ways to save marriage from divorce.
The reasons for marital problems are many and varied from arguments about money, the changes in their lives from children, general work/life stress and often from problems in the bedroom as well. The list could go on forever though with mild differences from couple to couple but in the end all roads lead to separation and divorce if nothing is done to mend the growing rift which is one of the hardest parts of life if you ever have to experience it.
Research has shown however that not all hope is lost. Most couples who end up heading towards divorce have claimed that they still love their partner but either feels they cannot bring themselves to say so or they cannot live with them even though they do love them. Many have also stated that one of the primal reasons for a divorce apart from all the obvious things is that their love is not growing for their partner anymore so they feel something is wrong which leads to those terrible arguments. However the point is that in most cases love still remains and with this there is always a hope to save marriage from divorce.
With this in mind there are ways to save marriage from divorce by breaking down the barriers that have stifled this growth in love which at its core is all about communicating. This is not a new concept and many people already know this only to find when they try to communicate it does not work because they are not communicating with love but with logic, with words, with an attitude with an agenda.
When you stop talking and start communicating with love and understanding you can save marriage from divorce and unlock the potential fro growth of love that has been weighing down your marriage.
One immediate step you can take to ensure you are on the right path is to take control of your ego when you communicate and do not let your ego control you. When you want to respond and defend yourself with an accusation stop and let it slide as infuriating as that may be because if you defend yourself you simply inflame the situation further. Stop thinking in points scored and start thinking about compassion as sappy as it may seem and you can defuse a heated argument to a level where you are really communicating what you feel without ego or anger which goes a long way to save a marriage and stop divorce.
For more ways to stop an impending divorce even if you seem to be the only one trying, click below to find more information about online resource that can help you stop your divorce.