1.)Be prepared.
Stock up on the supplies from an online adult toy store you need ahead of time. You don’t want to stop foreplay to run to the store for condoms. If possible, have a storage of condoms, lube, and toys somewhere discreet in the bedroom. (I have my stash hidden in a laundry hamper in the bedroom closet.) Also, make sure you have your toys organized. It’s a mood killer to have to explain to the other person what lube you want to use if you don’t know where it’s at!

2.)Set the mood.
You can plan a sexual experience to a certain extent, but don’t overdo it. Meeting your partner at the door wearing lingerie is sexy. Asking, “Did you want to have sex after supper?” is not. Setting the mood can involve candles, bubble bath, a massage, a romantic dinner, lingerie, dimly-lit rooms, etc.. Surprises are always appreciated, too. Ladies: sneak into the bathroom to take a shower and come out wearing something skimpy that he didn’t know you have. Guys: for your next anniversary or her birthday, get her a sex toy you can use together along with a naughty new outfit.

3.)Ladies: make yourself comfortable.
The more comfortable you are in your own skin, the more comfortable your partner will be in the situation. Remember, no one is perfect. Women, especially, can always find at least one flaw in the way they look. If you feel like your boobs are saggy, invest in a $50 push-up bra from Victoria’s Secret. Have a little extra baggage around the middle? Find babydoll style lingerie that flares out at the middle. You can still be sexy while being comfortable.

4.)Guys: stop worrying.
She isn’t thinking about the size of your penis. If you’ve made it into her bed, you obviously did something to turn her on. Women don’t think with their vaginas. A woman who wants to sleep with you, wants to because of the connection you have already made. Maybe it was something you said or the way you smiled at her. At any rate, your penis should be the last thing on your mind!

5.)Try something new.
You can’t say you don’t like something if you’ve never tried it, and sexual acts are no exceptions. Look at the bright side, if you try it and you still don’t like it, your partner will understand. You’re not going to like 100% of the same things they do, but everything’s worth trying out. Take one night to do one of his fantasies, and one night to do one of hers. Who knows? Maybe you’ll end up liking something the other person suggests. Here are a few suggestions on things to try: anal sex, foreplay with a vibrator, sex with a vibrating cock ring, flavored lube during foreplay, new positions, watching a porn DVD before sex, mutual masturbation, etc..

6.)Be emotionally secure.
Make sure you and your partner are both on the same page in your relationship. Some of the best sex is sex where there are strong feelings and emotions involved. (I’m not just talking about love, either! Make up sex is amazing, too!) Just make sure that if you’re looking for a booty call, so is the other person. No one wants to be lead on.

7.)Clean up.
This can apply to a lot of things. You’ll want to clean up the environment where all the magic is going to happen, but you’ll also want to clean up yourself. No one wants to have oral sex with someone if they have to dig through a giant ball of hair. Grooming is a definite must. If you don’t want to shave everything off, at least keep it neat and trimmed. Think of your pubic hair like a man’s beard: you don’t want to look like ZZ Top down there! Also, if you sweat a lot at work, please make sure you take a shower before having intercourse. Not only will your partner thank you, you’ll prevent the spread of germs that can cause yeast infections.

8.)Work it out.
No one wants a minute man or lady (unless you’re doing a quickie). There are pills, tips, and toys that can make both guys and gals last longer. If you’re with someone who just can’t get enough of your body, you should feel complimented. Drink some milk for nurishment and get back in bed! If you can’t go any longer and your partner is still ready to go, do everything you can to make them orgasm. (Toys are especially handy in these situations, because they do most of the work when you’re too tired to.)

9.)Kiss this.
Kissing during intercourse is important, and so is how you do it. Don’t shove your tongue down the other person’s throat–no matter how turned on you are. Experiment by kissing different parts of your partner’s body. Most people have sensitive spots that really get them going. Ladies: don’t be afraid to do a little kissing on your guy’s balls. Guys: aim your tongue to lick her inner thigh where her leg meets her vagina. Both of these areas are close enough to get your lover’s temperature elevated, but far enough away to leave something more.

10.)Be ok with being unique.
Not every couple is going to enjoy the same type of foreplay and sex. That’s completely fine. Don’t be scared to share your fantasies with your partner, and be open minded to theirs. If you still feel lost, read some of our other Sex 101 articles for more tips and tricks!

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Q: I’m looking online at adult toy stores for sex toys. I’ve never owned a sex toy before but I want to try a vibrator. What do you suggest for beginners?

A: Unlike most other subjects, this is one that I would NOT give you the advice to “start with the basics”. Sex toys are like anything else in life; you need to experiment a little to find out what you prefer. If you just buy the first (or cheapest) vibrator you see, you’re most likely going to be disappointed in your first toy experience. (We don’t want that to happen!) Here are two suggestions for types of toys that vibrate:

The Vibrator.
–Most vibrators are shaped like the shaft of a penis, however, vibrators that are made for G-spot stimulation will have an angled head. I would not suggest a G-spot vibrator for a beginner, for the simple fact that the G-spot is a little more difficult to find than the
clit.
–The size and the color you choose is your personal preference, obviously. I would recommend choosing a size that is close to your partner’s size or smaller. (This is so your muscles don’t get stretched out.) Pure Bliss even offers a kit that actually allows you to clone your partner’s penis!
–Each vibrator is also equipped with one or more function(s). Functions can differ from various speed settings to pulsating, escalating, and so on. When selecting your first vibrator, look for ones that have a clit stimulator. The clit stimulator is a small,
vibrating bullet built onto the shaft of the vibrator. As a rule of thumb, the smaller the bullet in the clit stimulator, the more power to vibrate it (the stimulator) will have. (You want the most power possible to intensify your orgasms.)

The Bullet/Egg.
–If penetration isn’t your thing, a bullet or egg may be the best choice for you. Bullets are small vibrators that are designed for clitoral stimulation. They are discreet, easy to use, and don’t get in the way if you want to use them during intercourse.
–As with vibrators, bullets come in a variety of shapes, sizes, and colors.
–Bullets may be used externally on the clit or may also be inserted internally if you wish. Some bullets actually come with two bullets so you can have it both ways at once!
–The same rules apply to bullets that apply to clit stimulators as far as power goes. My favorite bullet is about an inch long, has seven functions, and requires two AA batteries.

Final Tips.
–Avoid buying toys that require the small watch batteries. They won’t give you the vibration you need.
–Do your research before buying. If you’re buying at a retail store, have the clerk put batteries in the toy and see how it works. If you’re buying from an online sex toys store, read the reviews about the product you’re interested in. (You can also check
the section titled “Items Getting A lot of Buzz” on the Pure Bliss website to see which specific items I suggest.)

I’m not going to tell you that 100% of your toy adventures will be perfect, but I hope this advice gives you something to think about (and possibly try)!

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