“My relationship with my girlfriend was suffering tremendously because of my premature ejaculation. We tried to make it seem like only a small thing until she told me in tears she had cheated on my because of this issue. I was devastated!”
No one wants to be in a situation like this but often couples try to gloss over sexual problems out of embarrassment or out of a feeling that a focus on sex would be an insult to all the other great parts of a relationship. In the end though sex is integral to your sexual fulfillment and overall happiness within a relationship and if you can not last long enough in bed with your woman you may need techniques for controlling premature ejaculation so that you can have the great, passionate sex you need to sustain intimacy on a physical front.
How long is not long enough though?
If you are unsure exactly how long you should be lasting for with sexual intercourse you may be nervous and confused as to whether you really are ejaculating prematurely. While if you barely last a minute you probably know you have a short fuse other men who can last longer still may feel they do not satisfy their partners which can be a source of shame too.
First you must realize there is no exact rule as to how long sex should be. There is no threshold you need to reach to give your partner satisfaction as this varied from couple to couple to greatly based on their emotional and physical differences. It is also not essential for a man to give a woman an orgasm with penetration every time for them to enjoy sex and for you to feel good about it.
This is not to say women do not crave an orgasm and that they are happy with only a quickie either. The important thing to know what your particular girl likes and if you cannot last long enough to give them that pleasure then they will be left feeling sexually unfulfilled. Sometimes they can even feel even resentful that you can reach orgasm and they can’t even though you feel just as bad and less of a man because of it.
What techniques for controlling premature ejaculation are there?
There are multiple methods to prevent premature ejaculation and while you may think this is only a physical problem there are many psychological and emotional elements that need their own techniques to overcome as well. Determining which ones are more of a problem then focusing on them first is the best way to proceed so here are some problems and techniques that you can use.
Physical
Fast Heart Rate
When we do exercise or get excited our heart rate goes up and the body starts producing all sorts of hormones and chemicals that serve various important functions including how to orgasm. The body and its orgasm however is controlled by how excited you ware which means that if you do not maintain good body control you will lose it! When you are making love however this can be hard. Your partner is exciting you, it feels great and the entire situation is heady and full of emotion and highly charged sexuality. How can you stop your heart from racing? You could try not to get too carried away with your partners body and face which communicate a lot of visual excitement, closing your eyes can help some men or concentrating on a point on the ceiling may help though it may annoy your partner that you are not paying attention too so beware! Being mindful to slow things down a bit even though your body it telling you to go faster can also back off from over stimulating yourself and raising your heat rate. One of the simplest things to do though that is proven to calm a racing heart which many athletes know is to control your breathing.
When you breathe in and out heavily your heart rate goes up so a solution to lower it is to keep your breathing steady and try to breath OUT long and take shorter breaths as you need to expel the carbon dioxide in your lungs which is signaling your brain to make you breath harder which can make you heart go up notch.
Poor PC Muscle Control
The PC muscle or PuboCoccygeus muscle is the part of your body that controls the flow of fluids from your penis. It is also essential for keeping control of your orgasm to stop from reaching orgasm too soon. Techniques for controlling premature ejaculation often focus perhaps too heavily on this muscle but it is a major part of maintaining control during sex. If you strengthen and have excellent control of this muscle you can tighten it during love making you not only stop fluid flow but it tells the brain that you are not ready to orgasm. So control of the PC muscle is vital.
To do this you need to do ‘Kegel Exercises’ which are simply exercises that involve you flexing your PC muscle in different ways. This will strengthen them and give you control over them later when you are with your woman to allow a much greater physical control than you once had.
Overly Sensitive Penis
This can be a problem for younger lovers especially who are simply not used to sexual intercourse yet. While there are drugs that ‘numb’ the penis this is not a real solution. There is not real solution to this but experience, the more you make love the more used to it you will get. IF you can control the other issues surrounding premature ejaculation then this should not be as big an issue. The only way to really control, this is to communicate with your partner about speed and what you are doing which is not a premature ejaculation control technique but it will help.
Psychological
Performance Anxiety
This can be a major problem again for younger men but if you have had many premature ejaculation experiences it can become more than a passing phase and can become ingrained. Worrying about your abilities and if you can please your partner and if you are any good and if you will come too soon can totally destroy your confidence and become a self fulfilling prophesy. Later on this can also lead to impotence if not dealt with so if it is a continuing thing this needs to be checked. Good communication with your lover can help along with a lot of foreplay to get them highly excited which gives you time to maintain control as well as boosting your confidence that with your hands, mouth and other parts of your body you can give them pleasure and make them want you.
Another mental trick many find handy is to think of yourself as confident even if you do no feel it. Think and repeat to yourself that you are a stud, a sexual passionate man with great bedroom skills. You may realize you are not, but if you act this out it is amazing how much it can make a difference, the more you believe and repeat something to yourself the more it actually becomes true. If you manage to last longer a few times doing this and you see it working you will break down those mental barriers and the anxiety will slide.
Unrealistic Expectations
While porn may make you think you know a lot about sex it actually destroys many of the realistic elements of making love and replaces them in your mind with over the top expectations about what your partner and yourself should be doing. It can make you think you need to act like a porn star and hammer away like a jackhammer so fast you lose control because that is what you think women like. Forget this! If you need a role model to base your love making on look at romantic chick flicks with some sex scenes more because that is what turns them on more. Get rid of the porn image because pornography was created for men not for women and ruins what should be an intimate moment with an expectation of something that are highly unrealistic and male-centric.
For more on how you can apply these techniques for controlling premature ejaculation click below for complete guides with diagrams, illustrations and many more hints and tips that will turn you into a powerful long lasting lover than no women would want to leave.
