Posts Tagged men after divorce

Steps of Divorce Recovery for Men – 5 Phases of Divorce

Oct 11

Posted by James Fargo in Divorce, Post Divorce | No Comments

There are various steps of divorce recovery for men. These steps or approaches may range from the conventional up to the most contemporary and will ultimately work for your benefit. But before you go out to start your search for such methods its best that you understand the stages that you are most likely going through first in order to become more effective in your hunt for solutions. With this being said, here are the five phases of divorce:

Denial

Denial is the very first problem that you will most likely encounter. Divorce for many men (or even can seem unreal at first. The emotional and mental strain it causes as well as the consequences attached can be so difficult to take in all at once that it forces many to deny the fact that what’s happening is real.  The characteristics of denial may include:

  • Not believing that the divorce will and is going to happen.
  • Denying the possibility of life after divorce.
  • Denying the consequences of divorce.
  • Acting childishly whenever confronted with the issue.

Anger

Anger is the second phase of divorce. When everything starts to dawn on you and when reality hits, it will hurt – a lot. This can leave you very upset, bitter and generally angry towards those who have caused you so much pain and grief. In worst cases your anger can get out of hand and even hurt those who would do nothing more except offer their help or those who are totally unrelated and can even be considered victims of the divorce themselves – your children for example. Some of the most common characteristics that will define this phase will include:

  • Lashing out
  • Being bitter, resentful and withdrawn.
  • Deliberately sabotaging things in the hopes of getting even.
  • Substance abuse.

Bargaining

The bargaining phase is nothing more than act of desperation to counter what is happening – an act of desperation and nothing more. You beg and plead sacrificing even your self-respect in a last ditch effort that deep inside even you, know, will never work. Some of the things you will mostly find yourself doing (unless you stop yourself that is) during this stage would include:

  • Plead for reconsideration and reconciliation.
  • Blackmailing your ex-wife to get back together.
  • Trying to get back to your old life instead of moving on to a new one.

Depression

Depression will be the last and hardest phase that you will be confronting with. When all your efforts at getting back, getting angry or pleading are in vain, you will most likely find yourself feeling helpless, powerless and empty. Some of the things you might experience or show when under the influence of depression will include.

  • Emotional withdrawal from society as well as life.
  • Lack of energy and purpose.
  • Full blown clinical depression.
  • …and even suicidal tendencies (in worst cases)

Acceptance

There is only one true way to achieve recovery, and that is through acceptance. This is the final phase of your journey. This will and should serve as your target. The path to acceptance will be difficult, painful, and can even be long. But it is not impossible to achieve, as long as you understand the stages and what you will be able to do in order to overcome them, you will eventually get to this point – a point of new beginnings and happier moments.

If you want to know not only the steps of divorce recovery for men, but also how to speed through these and not be caught up in the destructive actions that they can cause, click below to find out more …

Recovering From Divorce for Men

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Men and Divorce – 3 Guidelines To Follow

Oct 2

Posted by James Fargo in Divorce, Post Divorce | No Comments

Men and divorce usually go unnoticed by society. The reason for this is very simple as well – they are considered to be the stronger half of the sexes both physically and emotionally. This leads to a very wrong conclusion that no matter what, they will pull through unscathed in the end. Sadly men are still human, and are not impervious to the enormous emotional and mental strain that divorce can bring.

So, what is it that is really going on inside a man’s head living in a post divorce world?

Surface Emotions

You actually do not need to be a psychologist or an expert analyst to see how divorce affects a man. The emotions and feelings are quite transparent and easy to see. Anger, sadness, fear, anxiety, jealousy, etc. – all of them negative emotions that tend to crowd one’s mind making it difficult to think and act clearly on solutions that can make things better.

Of course, these emotions are understandably natural enough when one’s life seems to be falling apart. But the question is, why are they so difficult to deal with? Why do many (maybe even including you) get stuck in these modes and head for self destruction instead of finding ways to make things better? The answer lie in the fact that the surface emotions you are feeling right now is not the real problem at hand, it lies even deeper.

Underlying Psychological Issues

The issues you are dealing with are not just caused by a deeper anger; you can even say that they are the conflicts of your soul. A power struggle between your ego and self-esteem is raging at this very moment, each one vying for dominance, serving as the perfect breeding ground for hatred and negativity.

So how do you deal with this then?

The solution is not to bolster your self esteem or ego, this is only a game played by fools. It will only lead you to do very silly things in order to feel in control, powerful or more attractive – all of which are temporary. The solution lies in your self-respect. You need to realize that there is nothing more you can do at this point except to accept what has happened and be happy for yourself despite of the circumstances and despite of what other people think.

Being happy with yourself at this moment can indeed be difficult but it is in no way impossible. With serious introspection and deeper understanding you will be able to achieve a state wherein you will be able to move above and beyond your anger allowing you to head towards a brighter looking future. If you want to know more about the hidden psychology of your mind and how to deal with the issues you are dealing with now, just click on the link provided below.

Men and Divorce

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Men, Divorce, Depression & Coping With It All

Jan 17

Posted by James Fargo in Articles, Divorce, Post Divorce | 5 Comments

Whenever I see an article about divorce, or watch a news or current affair report about life of divorcees it always seems to focus on the woman’s plight and not any problems of men. Divorce & depression are partners for men after a marriage fails and recent reports have suggested that men take divorce a lot harder than women for a number of reasons.

These reasons are usually linked with women’s ability to develop social networks that allow them to get the support, advice and help they need while men often do not have these things and try to be stoic in the face of a massively changed life with emotional turmoil building inside them. Marriage problems and the divorce often lead to one prominent emotional issue which is depression.

While there are enormous numbers of books written on depression you can find some good practical advice you can use straight away include:

  • Breaking down your problems into smaller pieces - Sometimes the divorce and problems after the event all pile up and can become unbearable making it depressing and overwhelming. Since there is no way back and no way out though you must start sorting your issues into smaller manageable chunks and just work at one at a time or the task may seem to be too much.
  • Do not focus on the negatives - This is probably the hardest thing to do when you are depressed and it is impossible to stop thinking about negative things. However to lessen the problems you must find good things and focus on them even if they seem too small to make a difference against the negatives. The trick is though it is like breaking your problems into smaller chunks … after a while you have collected enough good positive feelings, thoughts and emotions that they can start to make an impact … never let go of the good things and actions you take!
  • Have a goal – Men are very good at setting goals to achieve and we are biologically built to solve problems. Sometimes we do this in the most inappropriate way mind you but if we have the right tools we can build anything! With this in mind even if depression does strike you having something to do is important, it could be a life goal, an emotional goal or even a physical goal it does not matter. Achieving something makes men feel good at helps again depression and negative thinking.

For more advice by a man who has been through a messy divorce, depression and a whole host of other problems and has built a roadmap to recovery for men after divorce click below to find out more.

http://www.loveiscomplicated.info/divorce/

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Men & Divorce – Help For Life After Marriage

Dec 27

Posted by James Fargo in Articles, Divorce, Post Divorce | No Comments

When it comes to men & divorce, help is not as easily available as you might think. Because of the mans traditional role as breadwinner society and the media especially tend to focus on the plight of the woman who often ends up with the kids as well and their financial difficulties and so on and so forth. Nothing against this, but it is not just women who have it rough after divorce these days and I dare say even years ago!

Recent studies have shown that it is actually men who have the hardest time coping after a divorce not women. There could be many reasons for this but a few common problems seen are:

  • Men handle emotional turmoil badly
  • Men often lose custody of children adding to stress
  • Men are often more dependant on the support of their wife emotionally where women have a better network of friends and family to help them
  • Men are often not used to looking after themselves

Not all of these may apply to everyone but the emotional toll on a man after a divorce can cause depression, anxiety and often leads to some seriously foolish actions that come from bottled up feelings and mans greatest asset and liability; the need to do SOMETHING.

This is where men need to stop and think about things. Some men will hit the dating scene too soon without addressing their emotions and others may wallow in depression for a similar reason and that is they do not know how to deal with the whole experience and there is hardly any support for men after divorce.

However if there is one thing men are good at it is solving problems as long as they have the right tools. So in this situation you have to look at yourself and your journey after divorce as a project to work on, you need a plan, you need to investigate things, you need tools be they people to lean on, information of other people in the same situation and so on and from this you can slowly come to grips with this new life because it will never be the same again … but you can rebuild it stronger and with more insight than before.

If you want more help to undertake this task to end the misery of life after divorce then click below to inspect a guide that gives you a blueprint for success.

http://www.loveiscomplicated.info/divorce/

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