Tag Archives: sexless marriage

Sexless Marriage Help – Causes, Communication & Solutions

While it may once have been taboo to speak about more and more men and women are looking for sexless marriage help when their marriage becomes cold and lifeless in the bedroom. In fact is has become quite a topic of hot debate with books such as ‘The Sex Diaries – Why Women go off Sex & Other Bedroom Battles’ hitting bookstore shelves which has drawn heavy criticism for being so one sided in bias of men and derogatory of women but has also managed to elicit many comments on how true it is from men and women alike.

Clearly this is a controversial and loaded issue that should not be treated lightly especially when words such as marital rape, depression, and of course divorce rear their ugly head but such charged emotions show a clear disconnect in how we see this phenomenon of sexless marriage and how you can solve it.

To take an impartial view on the causes and solutions to a sexless marriage I should clearly state that I am male but have talked to many women about such an issue as well as many guys online and in person to draw the conclusions I have. I hope to be unbiased in this issue to encourage similar responses rather than rabid tribalism from various groups who seem to comment on this issue.

Causes of a Sexless Marriage

This is probably much harder to talk about than the solutions to a sexless marriage! The reasons can be so varied and so detailed and so specific to a particular marriage as to make generalizing the issue alienating to many and insulting to others but I will try to cover as many bases as possible.

The reasons that one partner in a marriage may become disinterested in sexual activities can be physical but much more commonly is emotional or psychological if you will. Even then some physical problems such as male impotence that seem physical may have psychological problems at their root too confusing the issue more. If the reason is physical and you do not know exactly what it is then it may manifest itself as rejection of sex rather than talking about the problem. More on communication about this issue later though however the other physical problem many refer to is simply that one partner has a LOW sex drive while the other has a much HIGHER sex drive which I personally believe is only half true seeing many couples who have worked through this have suddenly found their sex drive again or have found a midway point which lead to my next point.

The emotional issues more often than not are the real bugbears in a sexless marriage though when issues within a marriage or external influences or even emotional problems within your partners mind resurface. This is where the huge variety comes in so excuse me if I list a few in point form that seem to be common:

  • Resentment over household duties
  • Resentment over past arguments
  • Resentment over past actions
  • Resentment for any deeply buried issue that has not been solved!
  • Depression
  • Severe body image issues with themselves
  • Body image issues with their partner
  • Sheer exhaustion mentally and physically (Children and work as main culprits for both men and women)
  • Sexual abuse (recent or past)
  • Boredom!

I could go on but as you can see some are of extreme concern whereas others can seem almost trivial or petty. In many of these cases however there is still a lot of love and compassion within the marriage until things drift too far for sexless marriage help to be able to solve anything.

Sexless Marriage Help & Solutions

With such a wide variety of problems in a sexless marriage many husbands and wives may despair as to what they can do. There are two schools of thought on this which may be applicable to different couples’ sexless marriage situations. One school of thought is that communication is paramount and that talking through the issues carefully to then finding mutual solutions to the problems is the answer. The other, is that communication problems may be one of the issues at work here and personal action to increase attraction by your own efforts is the way to excite your spouse more.

Both have their good and bad points and a lot depends on what the root causes of this lack of intimacy in your marriage are.

Communication in a Sexless Marriage

I am a great believer in good communication within a marriage but I must also admit that in many cases I have heard of the partner who wishes to initiate sex but has been rejected many times by their spouse often try to do this but are rebuffed angrily and are at a loss of what to do next. Others though think that this hardly deserves to be an issue as a marriage should be about regular sex and take rejection as an insult. To those men or women I have to say you NEED to start communicating not just groping and hoping then acting hurt. If you wish to broach this subject with your spouse then you need to do one thing first and this is the most important thing you will ever know in this regard.

Make your conversation about them and their wishing, feelings and problems! Never make it all about YOUR wishes and feelings though they are valid.

This is because a person who feels harassed for sex only thinks you are trying to TAKE from them for self satisfaction and when you whine or complain or make it about you the same needy vibe is cast. This can be unfair because the hurt and shame of being rejected by your spouse can leave a serious mark on your self esteem but if you want a solution putting this aside is vital.

Once you do this you can start making headway in finding out why they are so withdrawn and cold physically if you promote an atmosphere where you are not casting blame and are willing to truly listen because good communication is 90% listening not talking! Some problems can only be navigated once you know the full extent of them especially when it stems from something external or that is not directly related to your relationship.

Action in a Sexless Marriage

While you may not be GETTING much action you can take action on this issue as well. The majority of sexless marriage end up that way because of a certain loss of attraction if not always a loss of love. We are never the same people as we once were when the relationship was new and the sex was wild and exciting, we change and we grow and evolve as people and it must be said we also change physically with age and sometimes simply with comfort levels in a stable marriage. People who drift apart emotionally also drift apart physically and couples who forget what it is to BE sexy for their partners also lose the excitement that once spurred on lovemaking.

Being sexy is something that generates sexual reciprocation and what is sexy differs between men and women and also is based on personal taste. Some men feel that a bit of extra grooming and a single romantic night out may help and be right while others find this does nothing because years of neglect of these things has left it’s mark. Others try this and completely miss the point because their wife really wants support and respect more than anything and the same is true with the genders reversed.

What this means is that the wrong actions can have no effect or even worse have more negative consequences while the right actions can slowly bring passion and lust back into your sexless marriage. The best advice I can give is that if you want to change things in your relationship without psychoanalyzing every detail with your partner is to start small but on all fronts where you think they may be disgruntled. From your own appearance to the way your treat them on a daily basis and for the love of god do not BOAST about all the good things you are doing or you run the risk of sounding like that needy person who wishes to take and manipulate to get sex which becomes an instant turn off. IF you do hit upon something that elicits some form of extra intimacy no matter how small you should be looking at what that is and continue doing things like that or similar!

Each marriage is different but sexless marriage help like this can be applied to many situations and it can usually not hurt to try them at least. If you are confused as to where to go next or feel all of this has been done and failed then there are more resources on the internet that go into this is a lot more depth written by professional counselors that may help you further. Click below to find out more.

Sexless Marriage Solutions


How to Save a Sexless Marriage & Bring Back the Passion

My friend Paul seemed like a happy guy with a good marriage so when he confided in me that he made love to his wife less than once a month I was quite shocked! In fact the figures show that nearly 25% of married people make love less than once a month and that goes across all ages not just the elderly. This article is not about how this comes about or about my friend but instead is about how to save a sexless marriage if you, like Paul, find yourself trapped inside one!

  • 1. Uncover the negative ways that you approach and talk about your marriage and stop them! Such phrases like “I feel like you are my best friend, that makes it awkward to make love” or “I feel like we are just roommates” should be eliminated from your vocabulary and that of your partner. Spouses are not just friends or just roommates but are together as partners for life and are expected to be the only sexual partner too. Even if it does not change things immediately start thinking of your spouse as a lover and announce you are in love not just comfortable with them to break the negative cycle.

  • 2. If physical intimacy has been very low you must start turning this around. This does not mean you should try to make out all the time but you can start with little things like running your hand over your spouses shoulder in the kitchen or a small kiss on the cheek after or during the time your spouse helps out around the house with you. Small ways to start touching and feeling each other bodies again go a long way in the long run.

  • 3. Do not dwell on the past – The term ‘analysis paralysis’ has been coined for that state where you never act because you are too busy analyzing what went wrong. Instead focus on the positive bits, the part of your marriage you got right and you know it. Sex is something in a marriage that is right also so make sure you spend some time on it, plan it if you have to because sex does not need to be spontaneous to be exciting and good just as planning to go out somewhere does not diminish the excitement either. Find time to set a date and look forward to this time together.

  • 4. If you have some issues with your body image or your partner does and the thought of being naked together seems just too hard to bear then do not be afraid to leave some clothing on. Keep a shirt and shorts on and become intimate this way to get comfortable, you do not even need to engage in sex if it still feels to early for either of you but the more you get used to being intimate in your sexless marriage the further you get towards wanting more stimulation and of course intercourse!
  • 5. This is most important in a sexless marriage and can sink the entire thing if not done right. Do not blame yourself! Do not blame your partner either! We live busy lives full of stress and expectations and when kids come along the entire ball game seems to change as well making our lives that much more complex and in the end our duties seem more important than our sex lives even if this is not the case. A sexless marriage can never be fixed if you have self blame or resentment for your partner so always approach it with a positive attitude that will prove to be contagious.

    If you want to know much more on bringing back passion to your marriage click below to download guides dedicated to solutions to sexless marriages with the backing of professional experts in the field.

    Discover how to save a sexless marriage here

How to Save a Dead Marriage – The Sex Issue

How to save a dead marriage can be a difficult thing and while not always the most important thing, the issue of sex makes a major impact on your marital health as many studies have concluded even bad marriages often stave off divorce if the sex is good. Good sex can also lead to better communication and feelings of love not just through the act of lovemaking but even on a biological and chemical level so this is not something to be seen as crude or simplistic.

Many people may feel that because of all the other problems in a marriage that sex is something to be put off and resentment and lack of commonality can lead to unsatisfying or lack of sexual pleasure. Then again other may be in a marriage that is happy and healthy otherwise but dead in the bedroom which may make you and your spouse more like roommates and friends even if there are children involved.

Whatever your case, if you are looking to revive a dead marriage then sexuality must not be ignored and relegated to a secondary issue. Entire books have been written on the subject of how to save a dead marriage through better sex but here I will list a simple version:

  • Do not be selfish - If you are harboring some resentment for your spouse and think that cutting off sex will help then you are actually speeding things closer to divorce. Sex is for mutual benefit for both partners and may open up avenues of communication that might help other problems. Using sex as a weapon in a marriage is a way to destroy it
  • Understand your spouse - If your spouse is the one who seems to be uninterested in sex then you may need to find out what is really bothering them. The reasons are usually emotional and not physical so trying to understand their point of view is essential.
  • Appearance - While you might think this is shallow your appearance is an important part of a good marriage and good sex. Try to find some way to exercise that both of you can do at the same time if weight is a problem so you are both involved and make sure that when you are in the mood for love that you take care of things like shaving, washing, and general grooming because familiarity and casualness kills romance.
  • Be romantic - This is often overlooked and often because many who have tried to spice things up with a married ‘date’ often forget what the real purpose of it is. Many people try this tactic in a selfish way thinking if I do this then I will get that .. do not approach it with this attitude! Remember when you first met, what made you fall in love, return to that feeling and make it all about your partner and do not expect a return to the way things were immediately, but if you do it without want of return you will find reciprocation happening very quickly.

There is a lot more to saving a dead marriage than just these things so if you want to find our more on how to stop your divorce and fix your marriage click below to find out more from experts in the field with years of experience.

http://www.loveiscomplicated.info/

How to Save a Dead Marriage – Dealing With Resentment

Many marriages do not survive the initial phase of marital bliss and whether it be a year or two later or ten years later you may find your self in a marriage dead and lifeless and on the brink of divorce. How to save a dead marriage is not impossible however, but it may seem that way after you have tried to coax some life out of it and failed. With the right approach, the right attitude and some knowledge of psychology and communication you can turn things around and return the spark of passion, love and commitment to your marriage if you can deal with the resentment issues that plague it.

Resentment

Often marriages struggle and falter over time as resentment over various issues sets in. In a marriage that seems dead it might not show in arguments and heated debate but instead in cold silence and petty grudges, in fact if there were more arguments then at least there would be some communication! This resentment in yourself or your partner may be caused by money issues, affairs, ambition, drug use or many other things that have happened and have not been resolved and no healthy loving marriage can continue without the specter of divorce if you resent your spouse or they resent you.

How to resolve these problems in your dead marriage are obviously the answer but how do you deal with such marital problems? Whole books have been written on this subject so for this article I will provide you with the simple version:

  • Communicate – Talk about the issues calmly and do not make it an argument, just get all the facts down and be aware of all the issues so they are in the open no matter how hard it might be.
  • Compromise - Nearly all resolutions require both sides to compromise on some issues. Make sure you have a plan on resolution that requires both of you to do something even if it is a very one sided problem.
  • Action – Do not just talk about it, take some action immediately! How to save a dead marriage hinges on you solving these problems not just making plan and saying things will change. You must move on this and fast!

If you want to know more on how to save your marriage even if it feels like you are the only one who wants to click below to find out exactly how you can do this to revive your relationship and stop a divorce.

http://www.loveiscomplicated.info/divorce

Intimacy Problems in Marriage – No Sex Anymore?

No sex anymore?
No sex anymore?

Lack of sex in a relationship can be a sure sign of intimacy problems in marriage not only physically but also emotionally. Sex in a marriage is a special bond of love and relationships which lack this tend to have underlying issues of trust and communication and sometimes deeper more sinister problems that they may not even be able to admit to themselves which makes navigating these relationship issues difficult and upsetting the status quo even further even if you are trying to make things better can often go awry and make things even worse!

The first mistake many men and women make when their partner becomes distant physically is to assume that they are no longer attracted to them, this not only is not true in most cases but it can make you feel, depressed, angry, frustrated and humiliated by being rejected by the only lover you are suppose to have.

So instead of taking this attitude you must be assured that this lack of sex drive and intimacy is a symptom of a deeper emotional problem not superficial physical appeal. The reasons could be many and some that have been reported include:

  • Suspicion of cheating
  • Sexual abuse
  • Hatred of their own body
  • Lack of interest due to boring routine
  • Depression
  • Stress

Every couple is different however this is just some examples that can lead to these intimacy problems and lack of interest in sex.

So what can you do about intimacy problems in marriage?

The real solution could be many and varied but to start with when looking for a solution you must be patient, never demand, never become petulant or sulk and never believe this will always be the case. To start with more important than doing the right things is not doing the wrong things and then you will have an easier time of uncovering the emotional barriers than are blocking emotional and physical intimacy.

If you want to power to turn your marriage around and inject the sex and passion that has been missing, click here to find all the information you need to end lonely nights.

http://www.loveiscomplicated.info/sex/sexless-marriages

Fix Your Sexless Marriage – Book Review

The frustration, shame and hurt that comes from a marriage that is lacking in physical intimacy can do more than hurt your self-esteem; it can bring on depression, effects the lives of your children if you have any and according to recent studies and statistics it can be a major part in decisions about divorce too.

This can be quite a dire state of affairs for a married couple but if it was so easy to fix surely you would have done it by now right? The problem is it is NOT easy to fix for many reasons such as:

  • Communication Difficulties
  • Resentment
  • Fear
  • Self Blame
  • … and more.

This is where you need help, this is where you need ammunition to fight this rut in your marriage and bring it back on track to be happier, healthier and full of wonderful, hot, passionate sexy SEX!

Enter “Fix Your Sexless Marriage” or “Get him/her in the mood” as it is also called written by Kate Dixon.

This e-book could be your key to unlocking the door to a more passionate marriage not because it will give you the information to directly turn your man or woman into lusty spouses but because it will change the way you live, think and feel about YOURSELF first and foremost which is the psychological secret to turning around a sexless marriage. Sounds too good to be true? Read on to see why it works …

At first we were skeptical of this e-book as you might well be too and acquired a copy of it which then made us realize there wee TWO guides, one specifically for men and one specifically for women. This piqued my interest and prompted me to delve in further to the guides.

Again I was not overly impressed to start with, the introduction and first section seemed like a little too much common sense and did not add much more than you would find anywhere else but this quickly changed the further I read.

While a lot of it was common sense Kate Dixon had the foresight to set the scene first and gently ease the reader into the meatier chunks of the guide which may well become overwhelming and perhaps even insulting to those not prepared to hear the solid gold advice she dispenses later in the book.

With a great mix of very practical measures you can take which seamlessly tie in with the underlying psychological problems that are the root cause of a sexless relationship this guides is not only great for rekindling the sex drive of your partner but it will give you an understanding of how your partner actually thinks from their perspective and how, by adjusting your own actions, beliefs and ideas for the betterment of your own physical and mental health … you will indirectly light a fire in their lovemaking furnace and get theirs and your libido pumping again.

For great information in a no-nonsense, practical and easy to read style and having a seperate guide both men and women Kate Dixon’s guide to fixing your sexless marriage has earned our highest score. Our only warning is the first few chapters are a little on the slow and common sense side but are a good setup for the rest which can have you changing your marriage sex life for the better even if you are fearful, have communication problems with your spouse or feel too hurt to overcome this.

Not only that it comes with a 100% money back guarantee which means you have nothing to risk but the chance to rekindle your sex life!

Click here for more information on “Fix your sexless marriage”

Is Your Marriage Becoming Sexless? Advice For Women Facing a Sexless Marriage

Marriage without the intimacy and release of sex becomes a dull and fragile thing which can destroy a good marriage by sucking the joy and closeness out of what should be an amazing experience in love; physically, spiritually and mentally. If all these great things are enabled by making love then why is your marriage becoming sexless? There are a few conclusions women will come to when trying to define this problem but unfortunately most of them are wrong!

Many women take the path of self loathing believing that their husband does not find them attractive anymore; perhaps they think they have put on weight or do not have time to dress up anymore or they think that whatever fire of passion that was there has gone out because they are too familiar or that life is hard. In any case the wife blames herself which is terrible for mental health and confidence which becomes another issue. Why this is so wrong is that men appreciate confidence in their women just as women like confidence in men, a wife who wallows in self pity because she feels unattractive becomes the thing she does not want to be psychologically and eventually physically driving home a sexless marriage complex that infects both partners

The opposite spectrum are women who blame their man, perhaps they suspect him of having affairs or that he has become impotent and lost his sex drive. This can lead to resentment and sometimes to the wife having affairs as revenge or as a release which only makes matters much worse in a sexless marriage!

So what is the REAL reason your marriage is becoming sexless?

This is a complex issue but what many marriage counselors and therapists have found over the years is that men who stop having sex with their wives are rarely having affairs and nearly always still love their partner very much. What does this mean? It means the problem is more often than not the mans and often it is psychological.

Do you fear your marriage is headed for a break up over a lack of sex?
If so, you need to know you CAN turn this around!
Click below to find out how you can get a passionate and happy marriage and put an end to cold bedsheets and lonely nights
http://www.loveiscomplicated.info/sex/sexless-marriages

Hopeful Solutions for Your Sexless Marriage – Book Review

Dr Andrew Atwood
Dr Andrew Atwood

Sex and intimacy can be a very difficult subject to talk about with your spouse at times which can seem strange when a couple is suppose to be so close to each other that these subjects should be easy to converse about. The reality is that it is difficult and can make you anxious and can often cause arguments and fights when a lack of intimacy causes problems.

‘Hopeful Solutions for Your Sexless Marriage’ is a downloadable guide that can help you find a way to overcome these difficulties and bring intimacy and sex back to a relationship gone cold. Dr Andrew Atwood is the author of this e-book and has some serious credentials behind him as a marriage and family therapist & social worker for over 30 years.

So what is it about this guide that can actually help a marriage or relationships struggling with a lack of sex?

Firstly, Dr Atwood has compiled a mammoth amount of information in his guide with 50 chapters in total covering an amazing variety of situations, solutions and advice that can apply to your particular situation as everyone’s problems are different.

Secondly, the book is insightful on a level that goes well beyond the bedroom and really shows that these problems are not a result of the first thing that we think of … sexuality. Covering the psychology, differences between men and women, family politics, power struggles, anxiety and much more along with the more physical aspects of a sexless marriage.

Thirdly, Dr Atwood creates a process for a couple to follow or even one dissatisfied partner. Not quite step-by-step but a good framework to make communication easier and a map to go forward to the next step to bringing back the intimacy.

Now while there are a lot of good points there are a few niggles and issues that can be found.

The large amount of information can sometimes be confusing and overwhelming if you approach it in the wrong way. Dr Atwood has constructed the book to be like a journey and you are benefited if you follow the book the way he intended but if you skip around it tends to become a mess. This is not a massive problem but you will not be able to just skip to the chapter that you want and find a solution; it is constructed as a journey not a trouble shooting guide.

Also the style of writing can be a tad silly which he does even admit on his website. He overuses the ‘car journey’ metaphor a bit too much which can be tiresome but it is forgivable in the context of his philosophy and his attempt to make the difficult easier to talk about.

So overall ‘Hopeful Solutions for Your Sexless Marriage’ is a worth downloading for those in this frustrating situation. It can be used by anyone but is best for couples seeking an answer together or a relationship where both partners are at least somewhat willing to engage in the journey with their spouse more than those who are trying to somehow cause a change without involving their partner in their schemes.

Click here for more information about ‘Hopeful Solutions for Your Sexless Marriage’