Posts Tagged stop a divorce

Want To Prevent A Divorce – Proven Methods For Making Up!

Jan 19

Posted by The Relationship Guru in Stop Divorce | No Comments

The key steps in prevent a divorce could be the most valuable lessons that you may learn – not only can you learn to get your relationship back in check, but they will give you new skills to deal with every sticky situation in your life. The build up to divorce is often due to us becoming so caught up in our own lives, and taking marriage for granted, leading to communication breakdowns, and defensive behavior, much of which we are none the wiser until the bomb explodes.

A spouse being in a depressed state and not having the courage to seek the expert help they may need, and not being able to confide in there partner, can be another build up to divorce. Without realizing the pressure and emotional effects that it does have on the relationship, this can make the other person feel helpless and start going down also, they see no other alternative to be happy. This is an experience that I personally went threw, and making a decision like that was so hard! On the bright side it did end up giving my wife reason to seek…

Preventing your divorce is a decision that you can make! Although it s easier when both of you agree to try, you can begin the process on your own… It is a make up that requires these three D’s, dedication, determination, and discipline.

Here’s what you can do with those D’s to prevent your marriage…

1. If you are still living with your spouse that’s good, and if you aren’t that’s OK too. First of all you need to give them some space, and concentrate on yourself, compulsory thinking time you might say. Focus on all the reasons why your marriage is failing, something to remember here is that there is no blame! you can not have blame in a healthy marriage, there should be no such word? Only reasons, that is the only way to the truth of any problems, I highly suggest that you document your thoughts in this process.

2. Learn to accept the things that you cannot change, often when married we subconsciously attempt to change the personality of our spouse, OK there may be some bad habits that need some attention, but when you start on the character of the person they will retaliate. Loving each other for who we are is really quite simple, we just need to be able to communicate these things and accept.

3. Being married should be like soul mates, the best of best friends, taking interest in what your spouse likes and how they feel, is what that friendship is all about, it gives them a sense of respect and appreciation.

4. Marriage is like any working thing in life, it requires maintenance, a common fault is that we tend to forget to spend quality fun time together, whether its something as simple as taking a weekly walk in the park, or doing a skydive together. You and your spouse deserve to give each other some quality relationship time…

5. Help each other out around the house, especially us men! That old age belief that household work is for the woman is nonsense, marriage is a team. If you were or are in a repetitious job, day in, day out you would appreciate a break now and again?

6. Change! If there is something that you know is not really a positive part of your character then tell your self to stop that, and let your spouse know that you want to stop it, and ask for there gentle reminder when they notice!

Divorce is something that can tear your heart and family apart and has long term negative affects, I admire you for learning how you can prevent divorce, with an open mind I believe that anyone can save there marriage, with a little positive thinking, and learning what needs are needed to be happy.

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How to Save a Dead Marriage – The Sex Issue

Mar 26

Posted by James Fargo in Articles, Divorce, Stop Divorce | 1 Comment

How to save a dead marriage can be a difficult thing and while not always the most important thing, the issue of sex makes a major impact on your marital health as many studies have concluded even bad marriages often stave off divorce if the sex is good. Good sex can also lead to better communication and feelings of love not just through the act of lovemaking but even on a biological and chemical level so this is not something to be seen as crude or simplistic.

Many people may feel that because of all the other problems in a marriage that sex is something to be put off and resentment and lack of commonality can lead to unsatisfying or lack of sexual pleasure. Then again other may be in a marriage that is happy and healthy otherwise but dead in the bedroom which may make you and your spouse more like roommates and friends even if there are children involved.

Whatever your case, if you are looking to revive a dead marriage then sexuality must not be ignored and relegated to a secondary issue. Entire books have been written on the subject of how to save a dead marriage through better sex but here I will list a simple version:

  • Do not be selfish - If you are harboring some resentment for your spouse and think that cutting off sex will help then you are actually speeding things closer to divorce. Sex is for mutual benefit for both partners and may open up avenues of communication that might help other problems. Using sex as a weapon in a marriage is a way to destroy it
  • Understand your spouse - If your spouse is the one who seems to be uninterested in sex then you may need to find out what is really bothering them. The reasons are usually emotional and not physical so trying to understand their point of view is essential.
  • Appearance - While you might think this is shallow your appearance is an important part of a good marriage and good sex. Try to find some way to exercise that both of you can do at the same time if weight is a problem so you are both involved and make sure that when you are in the mood for love that you take care of things like shaving, washing, and general grooming because familiarity and casualness kills romance.
  • Be romantic - This is often overlooked and often because many who have tried to spice things up with a married ‘date’ often forget what the real purpose of it is. Many people try this tactic in a selfish way thinking if I do this then I will get that .. do not approach it with this attitude! Remember when you first met, what made you fall in love, return to that feeling and make it all about your partner and do not expect a return to the way things were immediately, but if you do it without want of return you will find reciprocation happening very quickly.

There is a lot more to saving a dead marriage than just these things so if you want to find our more on how to stop your divorce and fix your marriage click below to find out more from experts in the field with years of experience.

http://www.loveiscomplicated.info/

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How to Save a Dead Marriage – Dealing With Resentment

Mar 23

Posted by James Fargo in Articles, Divorce, Stop Divorce | No Comments

Many marriages do not survive the initial phase of marital bliss and whether it be a year or two later or ten years later you may find your self in a marriage dead and lifeless and on the brink of divorce. How to save a dead marriage is not impossible however, but it may seem that way after you have tried to coax some life out of it and failed. With the right approach, the right attitude and some knowledge of psychology and communication you can turn things around and return the spark of passion, love and commitment to your marriage if you can deal with the resentment issues that plague it.

Resentment

Often marriages struggle and falter over time as resentment over various issues sets in. In a marriage that seems dead it might not show in arguments and heated debate but instead in cold silence and petty grudges, in fact if there were more arguments then at least there would be some communication! This resentment in yourself or your partner may be caused by money issues, affairs, ambition, drug use or many other things that have happened and have not been resolved and no healthy loving marriage can continue without the specter of divorce if you resent your spouse or they resent you.

How to resolve these problems in your dead marriage are obviously the answer but how do you deal with such marital problems? Whole books have been written on this subject so for this article I will provide you with the simple version:

  • Communicate – Talk about the issues calmly and do not make it an argument, just get all the facts down and be aware of all the issues so they are in the open no matter how hard it might be.
  • Compromise - Nearly all resolutions require both sides to compromise on some issues. Make sure you have a plan on resolution that requires both of you to do something even if it is a very one sided problem.
  • Action – Do not just talk about it, take some action immediately! How to save a dead marriage hinges on you solving these problems not just making plan and saying things will change. You must move on this and fast!

If you want to know more on how to save your marriage even if it feels like you are the only one who wants to click below to find out exactly how you can do this to revive your relationship and stop a divorce.

http://www.loveiscomplicated.info/divorce

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Tips to Save a Marriage – Emotional Understanding

Mar 9

Posted by James Fargo in Articles, Divorce, Stop Divorce | No Comments

Emotional understanding may seem obvious when dealing with matters of the heart such as marital problems and possible impending divorce but just how much do you truly know about your spouse, what they feel and even what YOU really feel? These tips to save a marriage will go over some key points you need to address and understand before any real headway can be made to stop a divorce and return to a blissful marriage.

Did you know humans have three brains? It is true!

  • We have an old brain or ‘lizard brain’ as it is often referred to which deals with the most basic of instincts such as safety, survival, and propagation of the species along with all the automatic functions.
  • We have the mid brain which is the emotional center of our being that deal with all impulses to do with emotions, feelings and human interactions.
  • Lastly we have the new brain which is in control of our logic, understanding, artistic expression, language processing. Your new brain is reading this right now!

Why is this important though? Because we are not as in control of our thinking and actions as we think we are! Our mid brain where we process the emotions of a situation is a lot stronger and has more influence over the logical part of our brain even when we think we are behaving completely rationally.

The mid brain is also a lot more active when we are speaking with other people as our emotions are a major part of how we interact as people and a society and in a marriage which is why you can sometimes be thinking clearly then when we come face to face and an arguments starts the old brain activates the fight or flight reaction, the mid brain which has received a flood of hormones spikes what it is feeling such as fear or anger or guilt and the new brain trying to be logical is overcome by emotions, brain chemistry and a whole host of other things.

That is when we say those things we do not really mean.

The human mind is an amazing thing though and we can control it and understand it so a few tips to save a marriage in regards to emotional understanding are:

  • If you feel overwhelmed by emotion wait it out, do not try to form an argument it is better to leave or wait for the hormones to subside so you can think without as much mid and old brain interaction.
  • Understand that when your spouse blows up or breaks down something has triggered those things that is quite powerful. Let them get it out of their system then try to engage them.
  • Understand that the new brain does not control the emotional reaction so what you have said may not be directly related to the emotional outbursts … it may be something deeper the mid brain has picked up. Think in terms of basic emotions though anger and hurt is often the most prevalent (with guilt following closely)

so by understanding how your brain works in regards to emotion you can approach communication and actions with tips to save a marriage knowing how not to sabotage your efforts on the human emotional rollercoaster that happens when a couple faces divorce.

Click below for complete guides on how you can save your marriage even if you are the only one who thinks it possible.

http://www.loveiscomplicated.info/divorce

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