Posts Tagged tips to save a marriage

Tips to Save a Marriage – Actions Speak Louder than Words

Mar 19

Posted by James Fargo in Articles, Divorce, Stop Divorce | 2 Comments

Of all the tips to save a marriage perhaps the most important is what you actually DO that will bring stability and love back into your marriage and rescue it from the clutches of a messy divorce. In this regard the old saying “Actions speak louder than words” is very true.

This is usually because if you are at the stage where divorce was imminent or at least a distinct possibility then by this stage talk is considered cheap. Here is a list you may have heard that does not work at this stage:

“I will change I swear I will!”
“I will sort that thing out, I give you my word.”
“That does not matter because …”

You may see that this all relies on your spouse’s assessment of your character which in times of troubled marriages may seem quite low especially if you have said any of these things before and it has not sorted the problems you both have in your marriage.

Not that you cannot say you will do these things but do not expect anything to change until you DO, do them, but here is how you must go about it. Do not make a big issue of whatever you are doing! If you hop up and down and make a big song and dance about one thing you promised to change it will seem fake, it may be seen as insulting even and to a dissatisfied spouse it may seem like you have just done this once to get on their good side and may see it as manipulative.

The best way once you find out what you need to do to win them back is to take action where action is needed, make sure they know about it of course and most of the time just doing what you said will be noticed but do not even mention it except in passing because if you really want to save your marriage then your ultimate goal and ultimate reward is to stop a divorce. You should not need a reward every time you take an important action, only look for the end game and you will be rewarded with a better marriage in the end a better understanding on how to be a good husband or wife because actions speak louder than words and adding words to actions just sullies them.

If these tips to save a marriage may prove useful in your efforts to stop a divorce from coming about click below to find complete guides written by marriage experts that can give you the step by step processes you need to bring about a happy marriage from impending break-up.

http://www.loveiscomplicated.info/divorce

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Tips to Save a Marriage – Dealing With Problems

Mar 16

Posted by James Fargo in Articles, Divorce, Stop Divorce | No Comments

Many tips to save a marriage will focus on the communication aspect of mending problems and issues and being able to move on from hurt which is a vital part of the process. However once you have mastered the art of not getting into a fight and being able to talk about things then the real hard work starts sometimes because you are going to find out some problems that need to be dealt with … but how?

Firstly a problem or an issue in a relationship once discovered might be a lot more than it appears. Couples divorce over money, children, career, abuse and a whole host of other things but behind some of these problems may lie deeper issues that need to be brought out. This can be difficult if your spouse does not want to admit something or perhaps does not really know themselves!

A good way to approach this is by writing things down. If you have come to a point where you can sit and discuss the problems in your marriage then not only talking about it but writing things down actually helps solidify what you mean and can reveal more to your partner. It also means your words in your mind that can be twisted by emotion and circumstance can be written where it cannot be retracted or changed as easily which is good for both of you.

This can be a starting point to taking action on issues because nothing changes if you just talk. To be fair you should write down one problem each one for one or there is the temptation to write down too many issues and it can cause resentment, but if you have a manageable list you can use that to find actionable things you can do to solve an issue that can also be written down as a sort of contract.

Now these tips to save a marriage might seem like common sense or maybe even way too difficult depending on your situation but my philosophy is:

  • Talk uncovers issues and starts communication.
  • Talk does not solve problems.
  • Action on problems solves them.
  • Action can only be determined once a solid agreement of a problem and its solution have been found

If these tips to save a marriage may prove useful in your efforts to stop a divorce from coming about click below to find complete guides written by marriage experts that can give you the step by step processes you need to bring about a happy marriage from impending break-up.

http://www.loveiscomplicated.info/divorce

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Tips to Save a Marriage – Avoiding Emotional Blackmail

Mar 12

Posted by James Fargo in Articles, Divorce, Stop Divorce | No Comments

Tips to save a marriage can be useful guide to help you engage and talk with your spouse to work out the problems threatening your marriage and leading it down the path towards divorce. Some may think that many of these tips in articles are common sense and this is true but often not adhered to. The real threat however is not knowing what top do but in knowing what NOT to do especially when you do not know you are doing it!

Emotional blackmail can be explicit or implicit meaning you can be letting it be known quite directly or you can simply imply it through less obvious methods. It can also be conscious or unconscious meaning you can know you are doing it or often you do not realize you are doing it too!

An example of an explicit conscious emotional blackmail is standing with the children and saying “if you walk out that door you are destroying their lives!” or something similar (please do not do this! Kids are not pawns in your game!)

An example of unconscious and implicit emotional blackmail can be as simple as saying “but I love you!”. If you think about it this is a raw spot when emotions are fragile and they may feel you are trying to force them to drop everything for the sake of love rather that work out a real solution even if you do not realize it and are very sincere in what you say.

Blackmail is an ugly word and causes uglier ramifications and at the simplest level you should not be overt or sneaky and go about trying to manipulate your spouse by any means because this does not solve anything, at best it can simply DELAY it because nothing has been solved and the problems will come back and the road to divorce will start again with a fragile marriage.

On a more complex level you must always be aware of what you are saying and what it might actually mean to your partner. If you want to save your marriage and stop your divorce you must be aware that simple things you say or do might not have the intended effect so if something you are about to say seems even slightly manipulative then stop. Think. Then rephrase it.

For more tips to save a marriage from complete guides written by relationship and marriage experts, click below to get the information you need to repair your failing marriage and avoid a divorce.

http://www.loveiscomplicated.info/divorce

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Tips to Save a Marriage – Emotional Understanding

Mar 9

Posted by James Fargo in Articles, Divorce, Stop Divorce | No Comments

Emotional understanding may seem obvious when dealing with matters of the heart such as marital problems and possible impending divorce but just how much do you truly know about your spouse, what they feel and even what YOU really feel? These tips to save a marriage will go over some key points you need to address and understand before any real headway can be made to stop a divorce and return to a blissful marriage.

Did you know humans have three brains? It is true!

  • We have an old brain or ‘lizard brain’ as it is often referred to which deals with the most basic of instincts such as safety, survival, and propagation of the species along with all the automatic functions.
  • We have the mid brain which is the emotional center of our being that deal with all impulses to do with emotions, feelings and human interactions.
  • Lastly we have the new brain which is in control of our logic, understanding, artistic expression, language processing. Your new brain is reading this right now!

Why is this important though? Because we are not as in control of our thinking and actions as we think we are! Our mid brain where we process the emotions of a situation is a lot stronger and has more influence over the logical part of our brain even when we think we are behaving completely rationally.

The mid brain is also a lot more active when we are speaking with other people as our emotions are a major part of how we interact as people and a society and in a marriage which is why you can sometimes be thinking clearly then when we come face to face and an arguments starts the old brain activates the fight or flight reaction, the mid brain which has received a flood of hormones spikes what it is feeling such as fear or anger or guilt and the new brain trying to be logical is overcome by emotions, brain chemistry and a whole host of other things.

That is when we say those things we do not really mean.

The human mind is an amazing thing though and we can control it and understand it so a few tips to save a marriage in regards to emotional understanding are:

  • If you feel overwhelmed by emotion wait it out, do not try to form an argument it is better to leave or wait for the hormones to subside so you can think without as much mid and old brain interaction.
  • Understand that when your spouse blows up or breaks down something has triggered those things that is quite powerful. Let them get it out of their system then try to engage them.
  • Understand that the new brain does not control the emotional reaction so what you have said may not be directly related to the emotional outbursts … it may be something deeper the mid brain has picked up. Think in terms of basic emotions though anger and hurt is often the most prevalent (with guilt following closely)

so by understanding how your brain works in regards to emotion you can approach communication and actions with tips to save a marriage knowing how not to sabotage your efforts on the human emotional rollercoaster that happens when a couple faces divorce.

Click below for complete guides on how you can save your marriage even if you are the only one who thinks it possible.

http://www.loveiscomplicated.info/divorce

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